Page Four

ANNOUNCEMENTS

Primate Nooz wishes to announce that the lawyers who
are representing Mr. Chris Shaw in his lawsuit against us
have secured an injunction barring us from making any
more announcements and ordering us to turn over all
notes and tapes relating to the 'Announcements' and
'Recommended Reading' sections forthwith.  We are
appealing this ruling, and expect to eventually prevail, but
for the time being, this will be our only announcement.
Also, we may have to cancel the next issue in order to
have time to gather all the requested material.

RECOMMENDED READING:

Thomas L. Harrison  (1987).  “Nose-picking in the
Pongidae and Its Implications for Human Evolution.”
Amer. J. Nasal Anatomy,  17:230-239.  *****

Professor Ambato Ambilobe  (1986).  "West of the
Sunset: A Personal Journey Across the Scarred, Eroded,
Ecolo-gically Ravaged and Ruined Landscape of
Madagascar In Search of the Pitifully Few Prosimians
Who Have Managed to Cling to a Precarious Existence
Despite the Almost Total Destruction of the Environment,
In Which I Recount Some Happy Memories.  Malagasy
Primate Technical Institute Press, Antananarivo.  *****

Watah Al-Qatirah  (1979).  “Primate Motifs in Egyptian
Hieroglyphics.”  Cairo Monkey Monthly,  5:12-14.  *****

Takeshi Takeshitahara  (1985).  “Samurai Rice Carving of
the Yorimoto Shogunate.”  Nipponese Journal of the Rice
Carving Arts,  434:97-102.  *****

Christopher Shaw  (1989).  “Filing Simple Lawsuits for
Fun and Profit.”  Notes of the California Bar Association,
Vol. 87,  Index E,  1254-1255.  *

 
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Our market analysts have reported that savings
accounts are out, and tax-free edible bonds are
in. Demand for these bonds is rising dramatically
as investors realize that not only can their tax
burden be substantially reduced, but in the event
of really hard times, the bonds can also be eaten.
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  Produced as a public service by those friendly   folks down at the Ralph A. Bennett Teasdale   Corp., with funding provided by Georgia Pacific   Gabon, the Matsushita Chopstick Co., Gabon   Airways, the Bluetail Foundation, the Academie   Republique Gabonaise, Gratiano Bros. Meat   Market, the Equatorial Fruit Toxins Institute,   Nick's Nest Removal Service, Billy Bob's   Babysitting Service, and the Hellmouth Sheriffs   and Gas Station Attendants Association.
 
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AYE-AYE-AYE Cont. from page 3.

modified quadrupedal locomotion, but the former has a
large, additional component of climbing and falling.  They
have often been observed plummeting downward
through the leaves in a seemingly-purposeful fashion,
arresting their fall at the last possible second by
extending their long, slender, wirelike third digits and
grasping a narrow branch.  Several primatologists have
sustained heart irregularities while watching this odd
behavior.
        Macropithecus exhibits a greatly reduced dentition,
having a dental formula of 1-0-1-3/1-0-0-3.  Daubentonia
on the other hand has a dental formula of 1-0-1-3/1-0-0-3.
The morphological specializations and dentition of the
aye-aye-aye seem admirably suited to its dietary needs,
which are satisfied generally by larvae and grubs.  In
comparison, the aye-aye subsists mostly on grubs and
larvae.  Both of these queer-looking and unrelated
primates have gigantic, batlike ears, sharp, rodentlike
incisors that continue growing throughout the animal's
lifetime, lemuroid auditory bullae, globular braincases,
shaggy fur, clawed digits, and bushy tails.  Like the aye-
aye, the aye-aye-aye occupies the approximate ecological
niche of a woodpecker, using its long, skeletal third finger
in place of the woodpecker's beak.
        The aye-aye-aye bears a striking but completely
coincidental resemblance to the aye-aye in that it has a
grooming claw on the second digit of the foot and a flat
nail on the hallux, facial vibrissae, a post-orbital bar in the
skull, a well-developed nasal rhinarium, a pair of inguinal
mammae, a reflecting tapetum lucidum, and a bicornuate
uterus.
        But these are just a few examples of coincidence, or
convergent evolution, or something.  And really, there is
absolutely no relationship between the aye-aye-aye and
the aye-aye.  Really, there isn't.  No, there isn't!  Isn't
either!! Isn't isn't isn't!!!
 
  WELL, KIDS.  THAT SHOULD KEEP YOU QUIET
FOR A WHILE.  NOW, PICK UP YOUR PENCILS,
COLLECT YOUR GUM, AND PLEASE, ONE BY
ONE, OUT THE BACK DOOR.  AND DON'T LET
US HEAR YOU TALKING ANY MORE DAMN
FOOL NONSENSE ABOUT HOW THE AYE-AYE-
AYE IS JUST LIKE THE AYE-AYE.  IT ISN'T!		  
.............................................................
Editor's note: We think the next issue of the Nooz is
going to be really special, so all you “What Is” fans bug
your mommies and daddies to get several copies for you
and your friends.  We're going to feature “What Is The
Hydrogen Laser Spotlight?” by Bill Measely.
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