ANNOUNCEMENTS

Primate Nooz is pleased to report the final results of last
issue's questionaire about the exciting story we ran on Dr.
Oondóué M. Boué's discovery of bluetail guenons in the
Bermuda Triangle.  8% of our readers responded to the
questionaire, and of those, 11% stated that they believed
Dr. Boué while 89% said they thought he was insane.  Of
the 89% who said they did not believe him, approximately
86% also declared that they would not fly on Gabon
Airways.  54% stated that they would avoid the Bermuda
Triangle on any airline.  Mr. Christopher Shaw, who has
settled down nicely in his new position as West Coast
correspondent for the Nooz and who conducted that
portion of our survey, reported that the percentage of
people in Los Angeles who did not believe Dr. Boué was
only 23%, and that a whopping 96% of the staff of the LA
County Museum of Unnatural History firmly believed the
veteran primatologist. The poll had a margin of error of +
or - 52%.

RECOMMENDED READING:

Senhor Teófilo Afonso Rosario Sobradinho  (1982).  The
Natural History of the Gobo Root.  Jesus da Lapa Bros.
Press, Belo Horizonte, Brazil  *****

Dr. Poon Sandandtundra (1985).  “Tongue Color in the Bluetongue Macaque.”  Subcontinent Digest,  10:9-15.
*****

Mitsuo Ohhohoho  (1988).  Mitsuo's Monkeys.  Simon
and Schuster, New York.  *****

Christopher Shaw  (1989).  “Being the West Coast
Correspondent of the Nooz while continuing to
recommend good reading for anyone who makes such a
request of me, carrying on my important work at the Page
Museum, and trying to decide whether to go any further
with my lawsuit against Primate Nooz can be a tricky
business.”  Reader's Digest,  897:51-64.  **

GOBO ROOT Cont. from page 3.

rubber tire that are often seen on the highways of the
world, except that it is brown rather than black, is rough
and fibrous rather than smooth and shiny, and is straight
rather than curved, but other than that it is just the same.
      The gobo root has been known by many names,
among which are topepo, scammony, jalap, wasabi and
jungle parsnip.  The root that your mommy sees on her
grocery store shelf was originally part of a much larger
root that frequently wound for miles through the tall
forests, strangling jaragua trees, crossing rivers and
lakes, and tripping up ground-dwelling Croesus monkeys
and people alike.  In some cases it could grow to have a
diameter of 10-15 feet. The innocent-looking gobo root
has been blamed for such common tropical ailments as
popeye, urosis, coxalgy, zymotic fever, the bends,
xanthoma, staggers, scabbado, zootic rot, earworm, the
pox, gout, bighead and the plague, but there is no
evidence that it has caused any of these. However, three
small-town mayors are known to have died from gobo
root poisoning in the U.S. in the last twelve months.
      Curuá, Xingu, Iriri and Aporé Indians hunting the
giant mud turtles and skipperjacks that inhabit the
Amazon's sluggish rivers are known to chew the gobo
root which increases their lung capacity and permits them
to remain underwater for hours.  Both the jumping spider
monkey and the flat-footed or ruby-rumped tamarin feed
on smaller sections of the root, breaking it and allowing
the brown, gummy sap to exude.
      Uh oh, the editors are frantically waving their arms up
and down and I take that to mean that I am out of time, so
I'll say goodbye for now, but I'm sure I'll see you all very
soon.

  WOW!  DOES HE KNOW HIS GOBO ROOTS OR   DOESN'T HE!  HEY KIDS, BE SURE TO SHOW
  THIS ARTICLE TO YOUR MOMMIES BECAUSE
  THEY NEED TO BE INFORMED TOO.  NEXT
  TIME, “WHAT IS THE AYE-AYE-AYE?”