Page Three
 
 
 With Dr. Dick Doody, M.D., Chief Surgeon  (Suspended) in the Primate Pathology Dept. at  Hellmouth Human Diseases and Primate Testing  Facility.
 

Dear Dr. Doody,
      I am one of the recently-discovered barren
ground gorillas, Gorilla gorilla newjerseyii if you
must know, from New Jersey.  I don't know
whether you're aware of it or not, but cranberry
bogs can be hell on knuckles, and mine are about
shot.  I can't afford to be laid up for long because
I am my group's main defense against the
cranberry python, also recently discovered.
What can I do, and please don't say surgery.
Maximilian

Dear Maximilian,
      Surgery.  There, I've said it.  Surgery, surgery,
surgery.  Now really, listen to me, your only
sensible option at this point is a fast and easy
arthroscopic procedure quickly followed by a
simple knuckle replacement if we decide that it is
necessary.  What are you afraid of, you big
crybaby?  We'll just clip a bit here, and snip a bit
there, and have you back in the bogs in no time
at all.  Call us for an early appointment before the
problem gets any worse. My nurse is standing
by for your call.

Dear Dr. Doody,
      Hi!  It's me again, Maximilian.  Remember me?
Upon careful reconsideration, I feel that my
knuckles are not in as bad shape as I perhaps
stated in my first letter, and those pesky pythons
can be a real problem, so perhaps I ought to
forget the whole thing.  I'm not feeling too good

(Cont. on page 4)     
 
Editor's Note: “WHAT IS...?” is a semi-regular feature of
Primate Nooz which is aimed at some of our younger
readers and in which we ask different people in the field
of primatology major “What is” questions just to see
them squirm.  This time we are lucky to have with us
Senhor Teófilo Afonso Rosario Sobradinho, Nooz
Advisory Board member, who has 13 children of his own
back in the non-airconditioned part of Sao Paulo, and
who has become somewhat of a gobo root expert.  So
listen up kids, this is important.  And don't try to sneak out!
 
By
Senhor Teófilo Afonso Rosario Sobradinho
Urubupunga Research Station
 
      For centuries mommies and daddies have wondered
about the true nature of the gobo root. They have tried to
explain it to their children.  What is it?  Where did it come
from?  What can we do with it?  And is there anything
else like it?  The answers to these questions, unlike the
answers to many more difficult questions, cannot be
found at the back of the book. They can only be specu-
lated upon.  But there are some things we do know for
certain, and no one knows them any better than I do,
because I have become somewhat of agobo root expert.
      This strange and occasionally toxic little root was
introduced into the food markets of the U.S. in 1972.  Its
origins, although shrouded in mystery, almost certainly
lie in the poison-filled basin of the ancient ant-strewn
Amazon, where native Indian lore abounds with
unbelievable legends of its dual nature, at the same time
both deadly and curative. It is similar in appearance to
one of those tiny fragments of rubber tire that are often
(Cont. on page 4)         
 
 
REPORT FROM THE FIELD
By Eric Scotmeister Fleiglehaus		 Greetings from Makokou!  You probably don't even know where Makokou is, but that doesn't matter since I do, and I'm here.  So sit back in your favorite chair, kick off your shoes, grab a Guinness and enjoy, because this is my.....“Report from the Field.”
      I arrived here on Wednesday at the Makokou Study Area deep in the heart of the cloudy and fault-ridden Makanza Mountains of Gabon and I've been hard at work writing my “Report from the Field” ever since.  I had a heck of a time getting here because my car broke down in Libreville and I couldn't afford to get it fixed. It took six porters to carry my suitcases and another six to carry me.  It was early evening when I was met by my colleague and former instructor at the Academie Republique Gabonaise, Dr. Oondóué M. Boué, who acted like he was glad to see me although I was never one of his better students.  However, once I arrived, Dr. Boué was quick to invite me inside to join him in a bottle of lukewarm Ibounzi beer.  The dinner hour was already over, so I had to content myself with a couple of hard-boiled forest chicken eggs and a few dried gobo roots, then it was off to a much-needed night's rest in a well-mended hammock.
      I got up late on Thursday to find that Dr. Boué had already gone out into the forest with his chief tracker Albert Mbigou searching for any bluetail guenons that might still be lingering in the area, so I stayed in camp and updated my “Report.”  Despite the condominiums that have gone up not far from the Study Area, there is still ample wildlife hereabouts, such as the 'barberpole' python, great white-footed mountain gophers, and the deermouse deer, which can occasionally be heard if one is exceptionally lucky.  Dr. Boué did not return until late afternoon on Friday.  He was in a funk and went directly to his small cabin where he remained until Sunday, by which time I was getting ready to leave.  He sent word that he had a headache and could spare only six porters, so I was forced to walk the mile-and-a-quarter to the boat landing.  Even though I had not had an opportunity to observe any bluetails, I still had had the time of my life, and I was most reluctant to depart.
      That's about it for this issue.  I bet you know where Makokou is now, don't you?  Anyway, next time I'll change my tires and try to make it to Urubupunga in the poison-filled basin of the ancient ant-strewn Amazon to meet Senhor Teófilo Afonso Rosario Sobradinho.  So until then, I'll just say “So long.”
Page One    Page Two    Page Four    Home Page