RESEARCH CENTER FLOODED
BY TORRENTIAL RAINS

(UPI)  Hellmouth, AZ.  The Hellmouth Tropical Flora
and Rainforest Research Center was flooded last
weekend by a freak series of rainstorms that swept
rapidly up the muddy Horntoad River valley, disrupting
the publication of this issue of the Nooz, and sending
primates scurrying for cover.  Several bridges were
washed out, a number of local pomegranate farms and
gobo root plantations found themselves underwater,
and the town of Cheesequake was forced to declare a
state of emergency, but the worst damage was done to
the prestigious Rainforest Center where dozens of huge
dipterocarps were uprooted from the sandy Arizona
soil and lay like match-sticks on a glassy tabletop.
        “We've never had anything like this,” remarked Dr.
Thurston P. Barnstable, Director of the fifty-year-old
establishment and coincidentally father of Nooz
secretary Henrietta Barnstable. “You'd think a
Rainforest Center would be prepared for a little rain,” he
mused somewhat ruefully, “but it seems we weren't.”
The normally placid Henrietta, who grew up with her
mother in Runnamuck, was distraught and not available
for comment.  Publisher Arnett Putney, III has hired a
temp to fill in for her.
        Hellmouth Sheriff Poppy Rosebud told the Nooz
that his men are guarding the premises to prevent
looting. The Center will be closed until further notice
while repairs are being made.  Meanwhile, all of the
primates resident at the facility have been removed and
will be housed in local motels for the time being.