ANNOUNCEMENTS

Primate Nooz is pleased and proud as punch to be able to
announce the lineup for the coming year.  Don't let your
subscriptions lapse, we're going to have hot articles and
even hotter interviews.  A multipart series on the dangers
of galago research in Jujube.  A report on the TALL,
TALL trees of SE Asia.  The Nooz visits the Primate Faire in Libreville, Gabon with Dr. Oondóué M. Boué.  Marsu-
pial monkeys.  Aquatic monkeys.  Flying monkeys.  Giant
pygmy chimpanzees. The hydrogen laser spotlight and
the Nooz Phone and “Report from the Field.”  The return
of Dr. Doody.  The bio-mechanics of primate plummeting.
Come on, don't let us down, and we won't let you down.
We can't do it without you.  Respond to the coupon on
the right, and don't be stingy.  We're still the best primate
newspaper in this part of SW Arizona, and we want to
prove it.

RECOMMENDED READING:

Dr. LeFrank Smythe Axelrod-Abernathy (1988).  Primate
Pesematology: The Science of Falling Primates, Vol. II.
Cambridge Center for Gnathic Research, Hartsfield-on-
Rye, New Mexico.  *****

Professor Ambato Ambilobe and Dr. Watanabe Kibombo
(1969).  “How Did The Toilet Claw Get To Madagascar?”
Journal of the Continental Drift Society, 2:23-40.  *****

Dr. Framcois Quimper Bonnetable Rochefort-Chateauroux
(1988).  “French Fiddler Monkeys Past and Present.”
Annales de Paleoprimatologie Francais, 35(3):90-110.
*****

Christopher Shaw (1990).  “The Many Uses of Soapstone
in Building a Mountain Hideaway High in the Hollywood Hills.”  Reader's Digest, 916:385-399.  *

ADVERTS

Have you been falling a bit too often lately?  Branches in
the old neighborhood getting a tad brittle?  Most of your
friends have broken fingers or busted tailbones?  You
either need a hospital, or me, or perhaps both.  I'll come
out and rig a series of safety nets through your habitat
that will keep you high but not necessarily dry.  Rates by
the square meter, and I don't work cheap.  Safety straps
and harnesses of all types available.  Nick's Nets 'N More,
3rd and Pine St., Hellmouth.

If you're like me, you're tired of not being heard in the
forest, and even if you're not like me, you might still be
interested in my Acme Long Call Amplifier.  Practically
portable, guaranteed up to 5km range.  Batteries only
need to be changed every once in a while, depending on
how pugnacious you are.  Write to:  Important Inventions
Inc., Box 5050, Hellmouth.  You can't do without it.  Trust
us!

Getting too dark for you after the sun goes down?  Night
vision not what it used to be?  Nocturnal life pretty much
a big disappointment because you can't see where you're
going?  Hey, no sweat!  I'll come out and fix you up with a
system of floodlights that will illuminate every nook and
cranny of your habitat.  I can tell you right now, it won't
be inexpensive.  Rates by the light, and according to how
far you are from an electrical outlet.  Nick's Nightlites,
Pine and 3rd Ave., Hellmouth.

Just out in VHS, Lost Again, the exciting, extra-length
movie about the epic adventures of the Icelandic explorer-
primatologists Leif Englanberg and Olaf Petersen, who
were lost more than once and lived to tell about it. Also,
Mysterious Aliens III, Terror in the Bermuda Triangle,
Revenge of the Abominable Primate, The Monkey from
the Black Lagoon, and Coelecanths from Hell.  Vern's
Video Village, 3rd and Vine, behind the Hellmouth
Chemical Fruit Exchange Bank. All the parking you'll ever
need and we never close. See you real soon.