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FOCUS
OF SEARCH SHIFTS
TO TINY BADONGO-GAZIMBI
(BBC World Service) Adudu, Badongo-Gazimbi.
The
search for Professor Mitsuo Ohhohoho, author of The
Professor Mitsuo Ohhohoho Primate Identification
Book and African Jungle Survival Guide, has shifted
from the Urubupunga region of the ancient, ant-strewn
Amazon where he disappeared last July, to the tiny,
unmapped African nation of Badongo-Gazimbi,
formerly called Dutch Eastsoutheast Africa. The well-
known Asian primate specialist vanished while he was
looking for the flat-footed or ruby-rumped tamarin,
Leontopithecus saguinus, according to his friend and
mentor Senhor Teófilo Afonso Rosario Sobradinho,
who has been in charge of the seach for him. “Even
his guides didn't see where he went,” sobbed the
husky Brazilian, “we just have to find him.”
Primate Nooz
has learned that the focus of the
investigation has been moved here because of a tip
anonymously phoned in to the Adudu Monthly
Telegram by a man who claimed to have seen the
eminent and knowledgeable Professor or someone just
like him buying gobo roots in a local market. In Africa,
the search team will be joined by Dr. Oondóué M.
Boué, who has had extensive experience looking for
things, and by Nooz West Coast correspondent Mr.
Chris Shaw, who is very familiar with Badongo-
Gazimbi, and who will be flying to Adudu via
Hellmouth where he will inspect the ruins of the
collapsed Nooz building and collect his memorabilia.
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The
number of Chinaman's Elbow cases in the
United States nearly
doubled last year, according to
the Hellmouth Medical Association,
which along
with Dr. Dick Doody, Chief Surgeon (Suspended)
at the Human Diseases and Primate Testing Facility,
has been
developing a number of radically new
cryogenic surgical techniques
to relieve the painful
condition. Chinaman's Elbow should
not be con-
fused with Nipponese Elbow, which possesses a
completely
different set of symptoms. Nipponese
Elbow has been
almost entirely eradicated in the
western hemisphere, but
there were over 100,000
cases of Chinaman's Elbow in the U.S.
in 1988.
The
baby bushbaby found at the back of the
Tropical Flora and
Rainforest Research Center last
February still has not been
claimed and may soon be
adopted by Primate Nooz as
our corporate mascot to
replace Arnold, the aye-aye-aye who
died under
mysterious circumstances. The bushbaby has
been
living in a box in the Nooz supply room, where
Mr.
Quincey Brindle has been responsible for keeping it
well
supplied with its favorite food, gorogo leaves,
which he has
been purchasing by the pound from
Lou's House of Leaves.
This
was not the first time the Nooz building
has collapsed,
according to City Archivist and
Historian Thurston Langston
Marston. That event
occurred in the frosty winter of
'08. The original
structure managed to stand for only
two weeks
before collapsing. The second Nooz
building,
completed at great expense in 1911, fell in the
big
earthquake of 1912. The Nooz was forced to
shut
down for several months while a new building was
being
erected, but it collapsed in 1914, and, because
of the war,
was not rebuilt until 1923. That structure
was the one
that collapsed just recently. Work has
already begun on its
replacement, which will be the
fifth Nooz building,
and we are hopeful that it will be
a good few years before
it collapses again.
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COLLAPSE Cont. from
page 1.
street name signs turned all the way around, broken
bricks littering the dusty sidewalks, and empty Nooz
boxes standing mute testimony to the power of man's
carelessness. Publisher Arnett Putney, III and
executive editor Widen Lundale, Jr. declared that the
next issue of the Nooz should be no worse than any
other as a result of this dreadful catastrophe, and so
Hellmouth townsfolk are breathing just a bit more
easily tonight.
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