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Baldwin Muggeridge, who happened
to be wearing
purple spectacles at the time.
There was no
dry season to speak of in 1988 and
the ever-present rain caused much grumbling and mold among most
primate populations. The 'Raincoats for Primates' program,
much heralded by the Nooz, was quickly swamped by the
demand and was temporarily discontinued in October until further
deliveries could be arranged for.
The habitat
of the Gabonese STINKY GALAGO
finally shrank to zero in November when the last of a
block of exclusive condominiums and trendy shops
was completed in the heart of the cloudy and fault-
ridden Makanza Mountains. As of the publication of
this issue, several dozen of the disagreeable-smelling
prosimians were wandering around the forest looking
for someplace else to live.
In December,
Professor Mitsuo Ohhohoho was
named Chairman of the Committee to organize next
year's Great Apes and Lesser Primates Dinner, to be
held in Cheesequake. He was quick to declare that,
barring some unforeseen difficulties, the FRILLED
INDRIS and the FLOWERY POTTO would not again
be left off the list of invited guests.
In summary,
the editors of Primate Nooz can only
state once again that our situation is tenuous and
getting worse, and that in all likelihood there will not
be too many more editions of “The Year in Review.”
So, from all of us here to all of you out there, we say
“Happy Foraging in 1989”. |
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T-SHIRTS
NOW
AVAILABLE
AGAIN
After having been badgered unmercifully
for months,
Primate Nooz is again proud to offer for sale to the
general public an incredible selection of high-quality
100% cotton T-shirts in pygmy, small, medium, large
and giant sizes, and selling for a mere $24.95 each or
three for $89. "They will be imprinted with the logo
of
“Primate Nooz” in black or white, and will be available
in the following colors: rainforest green, chopstick
yellow, beryl, malabar, sinople, jacinthe, ardoise,
fustic, eveque, violine, prawn, griege, tuscan, muscade and/or
sennet, and reddish. (Please state first six color choices when
ordering). Anyone purchasing ten or more shirts will receive
absolutely free of charge a beautifully-xeroxed copy of Mr.
Chris Shaw's latest Reader's Digest article, “Cladogenesis
for Fun and Profit.” |
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Mail to: Primate Nooz, T-shirt
Dept., Hellmouth, AZ.
1st___________2nd ___________3rd________
4th___________5th____________6th________
Sizes: P_____ S_____ M_____ L_____ G_____
Name__________________________________
Address________________________________
City___________________State____ZIP_____
Country________________________________
Overseas shipping charge $5 per shirt. Shipping
is available to much of Africa, Asia and South America
(except Costa Rica). Allow six months for delivery,
except overseas where it may take longer.
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Well, it was
another bad year. Our populations are
shrinking, greedy timber companies ate up more of
our habitats, the ozone hole is doing funny things to
the weather and it feels like we're living in a tropical
greenhouse, the Nooz organization was racked by
scandals, and our two sister publications have turned
maliciously against us, but aside from that it has not
been much better.
The Hellmouth County
Fair was pretty much of a
bust this year. Held in the second week of January,
the turnout was disappointingly low. There was no
clear winner in the 'bobbing for durians' contest, the
monkey toss resulted in several serious injuries, the
Cheesequake Junior High School Band that was
supposed to entertain us was decimated by the
Bornean monkey flu, and it rained most of the day.
In February, a baby
BUSHBABY was found wet
and whimpering in an orange crate at the back of the
Tropical Flora and Rainforest Research Center here in
Hellmouth. No one has claimed it yet, and the Nooz
may be forced to adopt it to replace Arnold, the lately
deceased AYE-AYE-AYE who was our official
mascot. In March, the Annual Malagasy Extinct
Lemur Society Convention was the scene of much
heated controversy when the governing board
regretfully had to expel several members who turned
out not to be extinct. One, the GREATER BAMBOO
LEMUR, was dragged screaming from the ballroom at
the Hellmouth Holiday Inn and had to be sedated,
while the GIANT MOUSE LEMUR merely sat and
wept.
April was marked by
the death of Basil, the
world's last BLEARY-EYED BABOON, and by market
upheavals which severely disrupted the foraging
behavior of the South American JUMPING SPIDER
MONKEY. In connection with this, we feel that we
should point that it is completely untrue, as has been
reported in PRIMATE LIFE, that this species is or has
ever been venomous. Reginald Pennyworth Maudlin-
Jones resurfaced in May after a long period in hiding,
and claimed that his former colleague, Dr. Oondóué
M. Boué, was trying to kill him. He stated in an
exclusive interview with the Nooz that he had had
absolutely nothing to do with the disappearance of
the entire population of BLUETAIL GUENONS from
Dr. Boué's Makokou Study Area in Gabon. Nothing
at all happened in June.
A travelling troop
of ROSEATE BABOONS
arrived in Hellmouth in July to lobby for the Nooz's
support in saving their habitat. Unfortunately,
publisher Arnett Putney, III and executive editor
Widen Lundale, Jr. were on vacation at the time, and
the assistant editor had no idea what they were
talking about and sent them away. In August, there
was a tremendous uproar when the Nooz resident
primatologist, Dr. Homer Perry, announced that the
SLENDER LORIS had always been taxonomically
misrepresented, and that most if not all of those
primates previously considered to be slender lorises
were actually regular lorises with bulemia. “They
binge and purge,” he said with a grin, “just like
people.”
One of 1988's few
bright spots for the primate
community was the selection in September of a
PURPLE WANNABY as the Mammal of the Year. The
medium-sized and pointy-headed simian is really
amaranth in color, but was called purple because it
appeared that way to its discoverer, Dr. P. Malcolm |
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