|
ANNOUNCEMENTS
Primate Nooz would like to take this opportunity
to
disavow all knowledge of the person or persons who are
continuing to use Chris Shaw's name without his
permission. We thought we had solved the problem last
issue by inviting him to take over the 'Recommended
Reading' section in which previous spurious references
to him had been made. But now his name seems to be
cropping up everywhere in the Nooz like an unkillable
weed, and frankly we are stumped. We can only say,
“Sorry, Mr. Shaw, but remember, especially when
thinking about legal matters, that a sense of humor is
very important in the scientific field.”
RECOMMENDED READING:
Dr. Oondóué M. Boué and Reginald
Pennyworth
Maudlin-Jones (1987). “Burrowing Behavior of Wild
Bluetail Monkeys at the Makokou Study Area, Gabon.”
Proceedings of the Gabon Nature Society, 277(3):47-60.
*****
Dr. Professor Miedzyrzecz von Czechowice-Dziedzice
and Choszczno Koscierzyna (1988). Eleven Famous
Polish Primates of the Twentieth Century. Warsaw
Natural History Association Press, Warsaw. *****
Sir Newton Fig (1962). “Common Fruits
of Southeast
Asia and What To Do With Them.” Kalimantan Journal
of Fruit, 32:50-61. *****
Christopher Shaw (1988). “Trying To Decide
Whether
To Sue Primate Nooz Can Be A Tricky Business.”
Reader's Digest, 891:78-84. **
|
|
|
|
|
|
BANANA FUTURES IN JEOPARDY!!! As the
price of bananas surged upward, a meeting of the
Omnibus Primate Economic Council (OPEC) was
called to discuss the catarrhine market of last
October and just what it might mean to the primate
community. Many Old World types are in a frenzy
about a potential price increase's effect on the
banana futures market. These events, along with
the recently-reported imitation leaf scandals and
the fake fig fiasco, have brought howls of protest
and not a few long calls for intervention from
certain OPEC members such as the ministers from
the macaques and mangabeys. The representative
of the colobines and langurs stated that, “Our
very survival depends solely on such vegetation
and we can't leaf this matter to chance.”
--J.
Thaxton Krunk
Market Quotations................................................
Western Fig (FIG) +1 Ripe for
takeover.
Greenleaf Co. (GLC) -2 Weak due to falling prices
and imitation leaf scandals.
Bluetail Enterprises (BLU) +1 About to swing
into new product areas.
Int'l Banana Merchants (IBM) +3 Big Yellow does
it again.
Int'l Tarsier Technologies (ITT) +1 5/8 Large
eyes
on increased profits.
United Fruit (FRU) -1 1/8 Not a good prospect
due to unrest in Panama.
ROOTZ (ROO) +5 Buy 'em while you can.
|
|
| |
|
|
| |
| Produced as a public service
by those friendly folks down at the Ralph A. Bennett Teasdale
Corporation, with funding provided by Georgia Pacific
Gabon, the Matsushita Chopstick Co., the Bluetail Foundation,
the Warsaw Natural History Association ZOD, the Malagasy
Extinct Lemur Society, the National Science Foundation,
the Royal Canadian Mounted Air Force Experimental Primate
Test School, Travel and Primatology Magazine,
Joe's Not So Bad Cafe, and the Cheesequake Man and Mammal
Museum. |
|
| |
|
© M. Charters,
1988, Sierra Madre, CA.
|
|
|
Dear Editor,
I have been trying for years
to have Primate Nooz
delivered to Costa Rica. I noticed from the box that runs
on the front page of every issue that the Nooz is air-
dropped over much of Africa, Asia and South America,
but there is never any mention of Central America or the
Caribbean. There are a lot of primates in this area who
would love to read the Nooz, so how about it? Do we
all
have to move to Surinam or Sinatra or somewhere?
Noisy
Dear 'Noisy',
You're probably a howler, right?
Since you
obviously have no idea of the difficulties involved in
our distribution system, it's no wonder that you would
write us such a churlish and uncivil letter. While it is
true that we ship the Nooz to 19 countries in Africa, 10
in Asia and 8 in South America, Costa Rica is another
matter. We feel that the suggestion regarding your
possible move to Surinam or Sinatra is a good one. In
the meantime, perhaps you could read our two sister
publications Primate Week and PRIMATE LIFE, which
are distributed to Costa Rica.
Dear Editor,
You're probably aware that we
colobus monkeys
have sacchulated stomachs, like cows, and when we get
gas, boy do we get gas! What can we do to alleviate
this nasty problem?
Fred
Dear 'Fred',
We here at Primate Nooz
have heard altogether too
much about your fancy sacchulated stomachs, and
frankly we're not impressed. We suggest that you
contact Dr. Doody.
|
|
