UFO CRASHES cont. from
p. 1.
macaroons, really slow lorises, pig-nosed macaques,
aye-aye- ayes, and antique orangutans. The center-
piece of the alleged alien zoo, he claimed, was a
mummified sulky tarsier, whose small, furry, large-
eyed body was generally muscade and/or sennet in
color and weighed 120g. or 4.25oz.
Professor Ohhohoho hypothesized
that the
animals had been captured either for some wierd
experiment or to resupply some presumably primate-
impoverished planet, but there is unfortunately not a
shred of evidence to prove that the downed UFO
actually existed. When a team of investigators
arrived from the Los Angeles County Museum of
Unnatural History, all that remained was a charred
and flattened patch of dead swampy vegetation, a few
pieces of tin foil, and some broken Ibounzi vines.
QUESTIONS
RAISED ABOUT
DEATH
OF NOOZ MASCOT
(UPI) Hellmouth, AZ. The uproar caused
by last
week's noisy protest against the Primate Nooz was
heightened today by the tragic death of Arnold, the
Nooz mascot. Arnold was one of only 232 aye-aye-
ayes left in the U.S., having come to Arizona from
somewhere near Madagascar in 1971.
His strangely-dessicated body
was found at the
back door of Lou's House of Leaves, and an autopsy
performed by Dr. Dick Doody, currently Chief
Surgeon in the Primate Pathology Department at
Hellmouth Human Diseases and Primate Testing
Facility, indicated that he died of a fatal overdose of
toxic vegetation. However, an anonymous tipster
pointed the finger of blame squarely at Dr. Doody
himself. He's the one what did it, said the husky-
voiced caller, he dried him out real good.
The Nooz stated that
it does not know who the
caller was, but promised to reveal any information it
uncovers as soon as it becomes available.
|