Page Three
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WHAT IS......
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Editor's note:
"WHAT IS....?" is a semi-regular feature of the New Primate
Nooz which is aimed at some of our younger readers and in which we
ask important people in the field of primatology difficult "What
is" questions just to see if we can make them squirm. In this
issue we are extremely fortunate to have with us Dr. Basil Smith of the
Chudleigh-Lilydale Royal Tasmanian Primatolo- gical Observatory, who along with his respected coll- eague Dr. Mawbanna Waddamana, has been observing the giant space primate heading toward Earth. Dr. Smith knows a lot about primates and space, so you better listen carefully, and take notes. |
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THE PLANET
ZARKON? |
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by Dr. Basil Smith
Royal Tasmanian Primatological Observatory |
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What
is the planet Zarkon? Yes, that's the question before us today.
It's a question that has puzzled me ever since I was little. I
remember wondering about the planet Zarkon when I was just a boy. Could
such a place really exist? Would they know about seniority? Would
they have primates and primate plummeting? Could the famous hydrogen laser
spotlight invented by Sir Horton Measely illuminate a place so hopelessly
far away? In my Astrology 101 class at Mole Creek Aussie High School,
my professor would talk about Zarkon, but I thought it was just some imaginary
place. Now that we have indisputable proof that Zarkon does exist, that Zarkonese aliens have walked among us, that they have come right here to Hellmouth and abduc- ted one of our very own, our Reporter from the Field, Eric Scotmeister Fleiglehaus, we are forced once again back to that question we started with. What is the planet Zarkon? To put it in astronomical terms, Zarkon is a small planet in the Agoraea cluster, hard by the Spirathes Nebula, orbiting a paltry, class-IV blue dwarf. The noon magnetic tides are very strong around Zarkon and this has prevented space travel until recently. The atmo-sphere is much like our own but we surmise that it may smell better. The plane of the eccliptic is only 67°, thus preempting sidereal rotation, and the density of the planet is relatively low, so that creatures without tails were less likely to evolve. Many of us here at the Royal Tasmanian Primatological Observatory, who have been observing this curious little planet for some time, believe in fact that our own ancestral background may indeed lie on the planet Zarkon, and that the primates who came down from Mt. Mpika were actually dropped off there by Zarkonese spaceships. While we can't say that this is generally accepted, it does seem more likely now that we have confronted confirmed alien visitors. There is even the possibility that the giant space-dwelling primate heading toward Earth may originate on Zarkon, though we may never know that for sure. |