REPORT
FROM THE FIELD
By Eric Scotmeister Fleiglehaus |
Greetings
from Jabalpur! You probably don't even know where Jabalpur
is, but that doesn't matter since I do, and I'm here. So sit
back in your favorite chair, kick off your shoes, grab a Guinness
and enjoy, because this is my.....Report from the Field. |
When
I heard that Primate Nooz was going to resume publication,
I e-mailed Mr. Kashihara Takeshitahara, new owner of the Nooz,
whose brother Takeshi was a colleague of mine before being lost
in a whirlpool, and he suggested that I reprise my old column and
do a Report from the Field about Dr. Poon Sanddandtundra,
the eminent Indian. I immediately resigned my position at
Automotive Primatology Magazine, cancelled my next Monkey
Mechanics seminar at Sigsbee Junior Night College, gave my cat to
a friend, turned off the gas in my apartment, and reserved a seat
on the next flight to New Delhi.
That was last week. I
arrived here on Tuesday at the Jabalpur National Bluetongue Macaque
Reservation along the silt-filled Ghaghra River in the dusty state
of Uttar Pradesh in northern India, and I've been hard at work writing
my Report ever since. The new car provided me
in New Delhi by the Takeshitahara Corp. worked out fine, and I had
no mechanical difficulties whatsoever. Quite a change for
me, I must say. Unfortunately, it was stolen by a gang of
Untouchables while I was shopping for hair gel in Sardarshahr, and
I was forced to travel the rest of the way by canoe along a series
of rivers, first the mighty Firozabad, then the blackwater Muzaffarnagar,
then the Ganjapur and the Chindwara, the smaller Raipatna and Indore
and Modasa, and finally the Ghaghra, by which time I was thoroughly
sick of rivers and canoes and India in general. But when I
did finally arrive at the whitewashed wooden front gates of Jabalpur,
I was sure glad I had come because Dr. Poon Sanddandtundra was waiting
for me with a broad smile and a large glass of warm Nepalese brandy.
Several dozen children raced out of the house and toted my
suitcases into one of the guest bungalows, laughing and shrieking,
while Dr. Sanddandtundra walked me around the compound. After
a delicious dinner of toor dal, chickpeas, palak alu and bhindi
tamatar, with some excellent peach-mango ice cream for dessert,
it was off to a comfortable bed and my first good night's sleep
in several days.
On Tuesday night, monsoon rains
fell across Uttar Pradesh and the Ghaghra River overflowed its banks
and flooded the compound. Dr. Sanddandtundra quickly evacuated
all the personnel, but somehow he forgot about me. I woke
up Wednesday afternoon to find everyone gone, and everything except
my bungalow underwater. Fortunately, there was some naan and mango
chutney in the cooling box, and I nibbled on that while working
on my Report, wondering what exciting things Dr. Sandandtundra
would tell me when he returned. Would I hear about the bluetongue
macaques? The giant monkeys he found years ago north of Nepal?
The pouched langurs he kept as pets when he was a child?
Abom-inable primates and his relationship with Uzman Shakhrisyabz?
By Friday, the naan was beginning
to run out, and I was feeling a bit peckish. I managed to
swim across the com-pound to a little supply hut that had emerged
from the receding waters and found some cans of spicy lizard koorma
and a few water-logged boxes of powdered yoghurt. My Report
was going well, so I took the rest of the afternoon off and rigged
a crude hammock in the upper branches of some dwarf Nizamabad trees.
I lay there listening to the sibilant sighs of several greater
Indian mongoose in the forest as the sun slowly sank in the west.
Dr. Sanddandtundra returned the next morning but was busy all day
cleaning up the mess. He promised to spare me a few minutes
to tell me about his work at the Reservation and his discoveries
north of Nepal, but after several brandies he fell asleep on the
front porch of his house and didn't recover until I was getting
ready to leave on Sunday. I had very much wanted to find out
something about him so as not to disappoint my new superiors at
the Takeshitahara Corporation, but the canoe was about to depart
and I had many rivers to traverse before filing my Report.
That's about it for this issue.
I wish it hadn't rained, but those are the breaks, right?
Remember what I used to say? Nothing in life is easy. Anyway,
next time, if the Takeshitahara Corporation will get me another
car, I'll try to get to the Abominable Primate Study Center for
a chat with Dr. Uzman Shakhrisyabz.
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