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       “WE'RE BAAAAACK!”
          Hey all you out there in Noozland!  We're back!!  This is your NEW editorial department
speaking, and we want to welcome you to the brand NEW Primate Nooz, the New Primate Nooz,
a Nooz bearing no resemblance to the old Nooz, the Nooz that went belly up.  This is a Nooz full
of NEW features and columns and departments, a Nooz so unlike the old Nooz that it will make
you gasp in amazement. You won't even recognize it.  You'll pinch yourself in disbelief.  Make no
mistake about it. The year is 2002 and everything is NEW!   Well, almost.
        Publisher Arnett Putney, III and executive editor Widen Lundale, Jr. have resumed their old
positions. “200 Months Ago Today” is in its old spot, “Report from the Field” is coming back,
“What Is...?” is being resuscitated, “Recommended Reading” may look a tad familiar, but aside
from these few things, everything else is NEW!  Oh yeah, we had to bring back “News Behind
the News.”  And Bill Measely is on board with his hydrogen laser spotlight to illuminate major
places of interest for our many readers.  Oh, and Dr. Doody has agreed to drag his “Cutting
Corner” out of the closet, where it has been languishing ever since we closed up shop.  But
these are the only things that might look like something we've done before.  Everything else is
NEW!   Oh, yeah, “Nooz Notes” and “Financial Nooz” will probably be part of the NEW Nooz,
and of course, there will be an “Announcements” section, and we'll have to have the “Nooz
Calender,” and “Adverts” and “Really Scientific Letters.”   But aside from those things, you
won't even recognize it.  Everything is NEW!   “News Archives,” “From the Editor's Desk,”
“Sylvia the Psychic Simian Sees the Future,” all new.  Yes, it's true!  Most of our old staff has
agreed to come back even though the Takeshitahara Corporation has required them to sign
loyalty agreements.  Aline Peggs is back in the Mail Room, Donald Dimwiddie has taken up his
old position in the Steam Room, and Francisco Omohundro is once again behind the desk in the
T-Shirt Department.  Althea and Ichabod Ipswich are flattening papers again, Mullard Frimley
and Percy Throckmorton are spreading ink like they used to, and the Glue Room is back in the
capable hands of Noodle Milhous.  It's really terrific to see these familiar faces again, although
they are a bit grayer and more lined.  But we've got some new people too.  So basically the staff
is NEW!
      So what if the Primate Nooz masthead is almost the same, and the decorative borders?   So
what?   It's all different!  It's all NEW!  So wake right up, because it's going to be great, and we
desperately want you to be a part of it.  It's NEW!		  
 
 
JUMPING SPIDER MONKEY
ALMOST HIT BY LIGHTNING
  
 
 
200 Months Ago Today
  

     200 months ago today, the noted Tadjik primate
researcher Dr. Uzman Shakhrisyabz of Dushanbe
University had his first close encounter with an
abominable primate, which he subsequently wrote
about in Bombay Monkey Club Notes.  He was
driving his old Moskvich-400 on Route 2 along the
Surkhob River between Gharm and Dzhirgataf, when
a KamAZ diesel came racing up behind him, flashing
its lights and blowing its horn.  He slowed down
and pulled over, and as it roared past, he was able to
read the Cyrillic letters for 'Boris's Animal Circus'
crudely stencilled on the vehicle's door.  He also
saw what appeared to be an abominable primate in a
rickety cage lashed on the back. He was able to
identify the creature by its prominently-raised cran-
ial ridges, so he accelerated and attempted to follow,
but the truck pulled away and lost him as it wound
up into the hills beyond Sokh, and he never saw it
again.  He couldn't help wondering where it had
come from, and ever since that strange encounter he
has made it his life's objective to research abomin-
able primates and other similar fur-covered beasts.

      200 months ago today Urumqi Sa'gya establish-
ed the Mongolian Simian Study Center in the rocky
Hangayn Mts. of central Mongolia.  He was the first
Mongolian ever to become a primatologist, and thus
far he is the still the only Mongolian ever to become
a primatologist.  His two-hectare monkey reserve is
also one of the world's smallest.
(AP)  Hellmouth, AZ.  A jumping spider monkey that
was participating in a field excursion from the Hell-
mouth Human Diseases and Primate Testing Facility
was nearly struck by lightning during a storm last
Thursday.  The primate, about 2-1/2' tall and dusky tan
in color, was demonstrating some new plummeting
techniques at the Facility's Remote Study Area in
Runnamuck State Park when a cold front or a warm
front or some kind of front moved rapidly across the
Horntoad River Valley with winds in excess of 35mph.
The sky grew very dark and before the agile spider
monkey could return to the safety of the ground, it
began to rain.  Thunder boomed overhead and several
lightning bolts struck the tops of some tall trees near
where the demonstration was taking place, sparking a
small fire in some dry brush.
      The monkey managed to climb down and the group
hurriedly returned to Hellmouth, having fortunately
avoided a near tragedy.  Last year, at about this same
time, a gray muscatel was badly charred by lightning
while taking part in the Cheesequake Primate Mara-
thon, and a giant mouse lemur was scorched during a
picnic near Mary's Wells.
 
 
STATE FDA BANS ALL USE
 OF SILVERBACK CREAM
  
(UPI)  Phoenix, AZ.  The Arizona State Food and Drug
Agency has banned the use of Uncle Jack's Silverback
Cream, effective immediately.
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