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ANNOUNCEMENTS
It is with deep sadness and regret that Primate Nooz announces
the death by accidental cryogenic freezing of Mr. Win Wing Wan.
He was the author of numerous important scientific articles,
a former Director of Beijing's Thousand Uplifting Sentiments Zoo,
and the editor in charge of the 'Recommended Reading' section of
the Nooz. He was our friend and colleague, and he never
sued us even once, unlike some other people we could mention.
The Nooz office will not be the same without him, and all
of his many journalistic compatriots here join in mourning his passing.
In his honor we have assembled a special 'Recommended Reading'
section, one that we know he would have been proud of.
RECOMMENDED READING:
Win Wing Wan (1963). “Toxic Vegetation and How
To Know When You've Had Enough.” Primate Week,
2:9-10. *****
Win Wing Wan (1988). “The Lonely Life and Miserable
Death of Wu Shi, the 3000-Year Old Gorilla.” PRIMATE LIFE,
16(12):8-28. *****
Win Wing Wan (1983). “The Inscrutable Tarsier:
Just What the Heck Is It?” Proceedings of the 9th
International Congress of Primatology (London), Vol. VIII,
285-460. *****
Win Wing Wan (1989). “It's No Fun Having Chinaman's
Elbow.” West Malaysia Medical Bulletin, 22:19-23.
*****
Christopher Shaw (1989). “Some Memorable Chinese
Restaurants I Have Frequented with Win Wing Wan.” Reader's
Digest, 908:32-40. *
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Nooz Calender
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Public hearing on whether to declare the Hellmouth Zoo stinky
galago breeding program a health hazard and general menace,
Hellmouth City Hall, Friday, Nov. 24, 2-5pm.
Civil trial of Dr. Dick Doody, Chief Surgeon (Suspended),
begins at the Hellmouth Hall of High Justice, Mon. Nov. 13,
9:30am. Public welcome. No gum chewing please.
Great Apes and Lesser Primates Dinner to be held at Cheesequake
Pizza Hut, Thursday, Nov.16 at 8pm. We were going to have
Mitsuo Ohhohoho as Chairman, but now that he is missing, the
Nooz's own Dr. Homer Perry has been asked to fill in for him.
Sorry, Mitsuo, wherever you are.
The general public is invited to a premier showing of the
movie "Lost Again" which was filmed at several locations
in Hellmouth and Cheesequake. It depicts the events
surrounding the expedition of the two Icelandic explorers
Leif Englenberg and Olaf Petersen into the dreaded Ipipwi
Forest to search for the legendary Golden monkeys of Gabon.
The two Icelanders will be in attendance, and there will be
popcorn and fried gobo roots for everyone and free raincoats
for the first twenty-five people.
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There is
absolutely no truth to the report published recently by PRIMATE
LIFE that the Nooz will soon have a completely new look. Our
Cheesequake rival totally misinterpreted a casual remark by
one of our junior staff writers at last week's Horntoad Valley
Newspapers Association meeting and was way off base when they
announced our supposed new format.
The search
for the missing Professor Mitsuo Ohhohoho has shifted again,
this time, after a brief stop at Dr. Watanabe Kibombo's Ipululu
Primate Conservation Center, to the green and unruly forests
of northern Bali-Bali. A gasoline receipt with his name
on it was found in Badongo-Gazimbi along with some documents
relating to Bali-Bali. Senhor Teófilo Afonso
Rosario Sobradinho is leading the search team, and he has
been joined by Eric Scotmeister Fleiglehaus. Nooz West Coast
correspondent Chris Shaw will join them soon.
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Produced as a public service by the friendly
folks down at the Ralph A. Bennett Teasdale Corp., with funding
provided by Georgia Pacific Gabon, the Matsushita Chopstick
Co., Lou's House of Leaves, the Bluetail Foundation, the Woodrow
Wilson Old World Monkey Center, the Hellmouth Primate Fossil
and Paranormal Investigatory Group, the Mole Creek Monitor,
the Milk Board of Jujube, and KNUZ-FM. |
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© M. Charters, 1989, Sierra Madre, CA.
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Dear Editor,
Who are you guys
trying to kid? This Win Wing Wang or Wan Wing Win guy writes
this big hooptydoo article about tarsiers [Win Wing Wan, “What
Is The Tarsier?” Primate Nooz, 88(7):3-4. -Ed.], all
literate-like and sounding oh so academic. Then he or someone
else with the same ridiculous-sounding name writes a letter to Dr.
Doody that tells me he had more than Chinaman's Elbow. Whenever
we used to eat together, I could hardly understand what he was saying.
How could he write all those articles?
Chris Shaw
Dear 'Chris,'
We'll take your
question under advisement and get back to you if we find out anything.
Dear Editor,
Why are you always
changing your address? I've been trying to get back issues
of Primate Nooz for years, but every time I send in my request,
I get it back marked “Undeliverable,” and the next issue
comes out with a new address. I'm pretty steamed about it.
When are you going to do something?
Watanabe Kibombo
Dear 'Watanabe,'
Don't take that
tone with us! What the hell kind of a name is Watanabe anyway?
We don't like your greasy insinuations. But if you are
foolish enough to proceed with this matter, we suggest you write
to: Nooz Complaint Department, c/o USSR Academy of Primatology,
Minsk.
Dear Editor,
I want to object
to the censorship in your last issue. I can't believe that a major publication like yours in 1989
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