Primate Nooz Issue 11

        Dawn broke last Tuesday like an old bottle of blackstrap molasses over the muddy Horntoad River valley and the dusty and disorganized town of Hellmouth, Arizona, where the night before residents had gone to bed thinking about how good they were going to feel in the morning, but woke up instead to learn of the death by cryogenic freezing of Mr. Win Wing Wan, longtime Nooz contributor and editor in charge of the 'Recommended Reading' section, whose wet and partially-thawed corpse was discovered about 7:45am by a janitor at the Human Diseases and Primate Testing Facility. “It was awful,” said Rudyard Pipley, 52, “he was just lying there in one of the cryosurgery theaters melting all over the floor.”
        The details are still somewhat unclear, but Reeves Slaughterhouse, Dr. Dick Doody's assistant and until recently thought to be one of the Facility's sharpest young anesthetists, told the Nooz from a secluded location on Wednesday that it had all been a dreadful mistake, and might or might not have involved a Snickers bar. He refused to deny or confirm the rumor that Dr. Doody, Chief Surgeon (Suspended), might have had something to do with the incident. “I can't believe that anyone could suspect him of such a thing,” the youthful medical school graduate chirped nervously to hardened and unsmiling Nooz reporters Hugh Underhouse and Millicent Milliwell. “Win Wing Wan has Chinaman's Elbow, you know?” he said enigmatically. “That's what it was all about.” Dr. Doody regrettably could not be reached for comment and was presumed to be at home working on the next edition of his popular Nooz feature, “Dr. Doody's Cutting Corner.”
        Win Wing Wan came to Hellmouth from Beijing's Thousand Uplifting Sentiments Zoo, where he was fired as Director in February of last year for allowing Wu Shi, the world's only 3000-year old gorilla, to expire. Before that he had done research with

ACCIDENTAL FREEZING OF WIN WING WAN SHOCKS CITY!
Dawn broke last Tuesday like an old bottle of blackstrap molasses over the muddy Horntoad River valley and the dusty and disorganized town of Hellmouth, Arizona, where the night before residents had gone to bed thinking about how good they were going to feel in the morning, but woke up instead to learn of the death by cryogenic freezing of Mr. Win Wing Wan, longtime Nooz contributor and editor in charge of the 'Recommended Reading' section, whose wet and partially-thawed corpse was discovered about 7:45am by a janitor at the Human Diseases and Primate Testing Facility. “It was awful,” said Rudyard Pipley, 52, “he was just lying there in one of the cryosurgery theaters melting all over the floor.” The details are still somewhat unclear, but Reeves Slaughterhouse, Dr. Dick Doody's assistant and until recently thought to be one of the Facility's sharpest young anesthetists, told the Nooz from a secluded location on Wednesday that it had all been a dreadful mistake, and might or might not have involved a Snickers bar. He refused to deny or confirm the rumor that Dr. Doody, Chief Surgeon (Suspended), might have had something to do with the incident. “I can't believe that anyone could suspect him of such a thing,” the youthful medical school graduate chirped nervously to hardened and unsmiling Nooz reporters Hugh Underhouse and Millicent Milliwell. “Win Wing Wan has Chinaman's Elbow, you know?” he said enigmatically. “That's what it was all about.” Dr. Doody regrettably could not be reached for comment and was presumed to be at home working on the next edition of his popular Nooz feature, “Dr. Doody's Cutting Corner.” Win Wing Wan came to Hellmouth from Beijing's Thousand Uplifting Sentiments Zoo, where he was fired as Director in February of last year for allowing Wu Shi, the world's only 3000-year old gorilla, to expire. Before that he had done research with
(Cont. on page 2)