Page Three
 Spotlight on
                 BORNEO
 
  WHO'S WHO at
   the NOOZ?

Few people are aware of just how many people it takes to put out each issue of the Nooz. So, in our continuing effort to educate our readers, we want to list some of them here.
EXECUTIVE BOARD
Dr. Peter Pan Troglodytes Arnett Putney, III
Widen Lundale, Jr.
Pomeroy Bickleton
Adrian Pursglove
Ardley Smythe
J. Thaxton Krunk
Dr. Homer Perry
President-in-Chief
Publisher
Executive Editor
Managing Editor
Advertising Director
Circulation Manager
Financial Editor
Primatologist
STAFF
Axolotl Hernandez
Phrathran Chachoeng
Karonga Tukuyu
Bunyu Ranau
Christopher Shaw
Mitsuo Ohhohoho
Hugh Underhouse
Millicent Minniwell
South American Bureau
Asian Bureau
African Bureau
Borneo Correspondent
West Coast Reporter
Roving Correspondent
Senior Staff Writers
Browley Sampson
Arthur Ingerham
Lesley Spickle
Maxine Reenes
Editorials
Crenshaw Epps
Fredina Mallard
Oretta Boudreaux
Junior Staff Writers
Henrietta Barnstable
Zenoria Opelousas
Bill Measely
William Westminster
Secretary
File Clerk
"Spotlight"
"News Behind the
News"
Dr. Dick Doody
Boyle Symonds

Lacey Bison
Win Wing Wan
"Cutting Corner"
"200 Months Ago
Today"
"Year in Review"
"Recommended
Reading"
Francisco Omohundro
Quincey Brindle
Donald Dimwiddie
Leslie Sykes
Aline Peggs
Bessie Weatherford
Bunkie Lismore
Noodle Milhouse
Althea Ipswich
Ichabod Ipswich
T-Shirt Dept.
Supply Room
Steam Room
Water Coolers
Mail Room
Odds and Ends
Decorative Borders
Glue
Paper flatteners
Mullard Frimley
Percy Throckmorton
Ink spreaders
Alfred Burquehart
Frank Ironhammer
Moses Kaplan
Stainer
Truck drivers
ADVISORY BOARD

Oondóué M. Boué
Thomas L. Harrison
Miedzyrzecz von Chechowice-Dziedzice
Reginald Pennyworth Maudlin-Jones
Leif Englanberg and Olaf Petersen
Lucien Lauderdale
Langford Gluckstadt
Eric Scotmeister Fleiglehaus
Teófilo Afonso Rosario Sobradinho

...........................................
By Bill Measely, son of Sir Horton Measely
 Editor's note:  Sir Horton Measely's hydrogen laser  spotlight has finally been completely renovated at  Hellmouth Small Appliance Repair, and is raring to go.  Now it only occasionally swings around without warning  and burns people severely.  If anyone does happen to get
 in the way of the hot 1250° beams, please stay calm and  we'll get help to you as soon as possible.  Now, on with
 the show.
 
      Hi!  Bill Measely here, son of the late Sir Horton
Measely, former owner and inventor of the hydrogen
laser spotlight, which I, his son and heir, now own.  In
this issue we're going to crank up the voltage and focus
the spotlight in the general direction of Indonesia,
hoping to illuminate for our faithful readers once and for
all what has to be one of the strangest and most
mysteriously-shaped of the SE Asian islands.
        As we begin to cast the hot 1250° beams across the
map of Borneo, the first thing we notice is that the paper
starts to turn brown and smolder.  But before it bursts
into flame, we are able to see that most all of Borneo is
uncharted territory.  It seems that there are a few long
houses here and there, a few short houses, a couple of
mountains, a lot of rivers and swamps, some queer
animals lurking in the forest, and not much else.  But we
know that hidden in the more remote recesses and less
accessible corners there must be other things, and it is
to these places and things that we must now turn our
attention and the aim of the spotlight.
        Borneo is often called Kalimantan, which means
'dense and mangrove-choked, insect-infested, hot and
rainy swamp forest' in primitive Malay.  The so-called
Twelve Tribes of Kalimantan are the Kiris, the Kudats,
the Kabus, the Kendengans, the Kanamits, the Kejangs,
the Kanuas, the Kamis, the Kundaus, the Kepans, the
Keluks, and the Ketaps, but as we are all aware, these
are not the only peoples indigenous to Borneo.  There
are also the Kapoks, the Kayaks, the Kudzus, the
Kojaks, the Kabobs, the Kaputs and the Kazoos.  These
native groups are believed to have originated either
above the wind or below the wind, but anthropologists
are not sure which.
        Borneo was discovered many years ago by a man
named Bangar Kubong, who stumbled on it while he
was searching for the Philippines.  He lived there by
himself until other people arrived looking for camphor
and cutch, and modern Borneo was created.  Nowadays,
Borneo consists of part of Indonesia, part of Malaysia,
and the tiny insignificant Kingdom of Broonay.  Forests
in Borneo include swamp, peat, montane, inland, dry
ground, vine and coastal.
        Rainfall in Borneo ranges anywhere from 105" a
month in the dry season to 110" a month in the wet
season, which usually lasts from August until the
following July.  Wild temperature swings of up to 3-4°
are not unheard of, and it is often quite humid.  Parts of
the island are sometimes lashed by heavy storms which
cause trees to sway and things to grow profusely.
Chicle gum, the Bornean oilberry (from which most of
the island's oil is derived) and the rattan nut are
Borneo's chief exports.
        Of course, Borneo is really most famous for the
orangutan, a large, reddish, ofttimes surly and
ubsiguous animal that is completely unrelated.... Uh oh,
smoke is coming out of the spotlight, so we'd better turn
it off now and say goodbye to our faithful readers.  Until
next time, ciao!
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