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Many
of you have wondered, as I have wondered, as indeed we all have wondered,
just what is this thing called seniority? Is it a thick blanket that
settles over us like the night? Or is it a bright light that shines
into every nook and cranny of our lives? Do other countries have seniority?
Will seniority still be around in the future, when tax-free edible
bonds have lost their appeal? The answers to these questions may be
occasionally found by going to our website at www.webnooz/questions,
but remember, no peeking before you honestly try to answer them yourself.
We ask these questions because we think they are important. We
think they are crying out to be answered. So if you have any good
answers, please let us know.
We here at the New Nooz do not
personally know what seniority is, but we do know that it appeared in the
early months of mankind's history, along with fire and most of the alphabet.
We think that seniority may have crossed the Bering Straits land bridge
oh so many months ago. We theorize that seniority is linked in some way
to the discoveries about the Maya made by Sir Horton Measely in the Yucatan.
We postulate that it was seniority to which Galileo Galilei was referring
when he declared, “Oh, but one piles high upon another. And there
is always another, higher.” And we believe that seniority, like
gravity, plays a role in our lives today that we are scarcely aware of.
Before his untimely death, which was
caused by his hydrogen laser spotlight swinging around without warning and
burning him severely, Professor Measely intended to undertake a long-term
project to determine the nature of seniority. He had plans to focus
the hot beams of the spotlight on the subject, but now that he has been
gone these many months, that job of illuminating seniority for our many
readers around the world, has fallen to his son and the current owner of
the hydrogen laser spotlight Bill Measely, and he has so far appeared disinclined
to follow up on this project of his father's. We here at the New Nooz
are trying to change his mind, but you all know how he can be.
In the meantime, we feel that free clinics
should be set up around the country to deal with this prob- lem. Public
education is the only solution that will work for the long term. Once
we all know what seniority is, we can better adjust our lives to it, cease
our pointless struggles against it, and enjoy life the way that great Primate
in the sky intended us to. |
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