|
ANNOUNCEMENTS
Primate Nooz regrets to be in the awkward
position of
having to apologize for having creating a perhaps less
than strictly factual impression when we reported last
year about the sinking of the mountainous and heavily-
forested island of Santa Rubia, belonging to the tiny
and almost unnoticeable Central American nation of
Gorgonzola. What we meant to say of course, and we
are sorry for any harm done to anyone as a result of
this unfortunate slip and just delighted to be able to
correct this regrettable report without further ado, is
that it did not sink. Everything is fine there, and we
apologize for having said it wasn't.
RECOMMENDED READING:
José Ochohos Obregón (1989). The
Sinking of Santa
Rubia Island. Portoviejo Press, Caracas. *****
Professor Rolf Sigurd Vanhammerfest (1940). Adrift
On
The Greenland Icecap Looking For Snow Monkeys In
The Dead of Winter. Trondheim, Kristiansund, Haar-
farger and Grieg, Oslo. *****
Dr. LeFrank Smythe Axelrod-Abernathy and Alexander
Knuckleberry (1990). "Comparative Plummeting Rates
in Ten Species of Old and New World Lesser Primates."
Journal of Abnormal Primatology, 29(2):31-44. *****
Bill Measely (1984). Inventions That Have
Changed
History Series #32: The Hydrogen Laser Spotlight and
Its Effect on the Development of Third World Fire
Departments. Bedlington Press, 7 Sheffield Court SW,
Wycombe Common, Alsworthy, Tunbridge Wells,
Great Britain. *****
Piet Mons Apeldoorn (1982). "Beer Preferences
in
Sulky Tarsiers at Kualakurun Primate Reserve." Borneo
Bulletin, Supplement No. 22, 12-30. *****
|
|
|
|
|
|
The Sub-Adult Social Society presents 'An
Evening of Fun.' Forage and frolic to your heart's
content in an atmosphere of virtually unrestrained
enthusiasm. We do have a few rules, but almost
anything goes here at the Antlered Animals Lodge
Hall, next Friday 9pm-???? Dancing, eating, mimes,
live music, magic show, kickboxing, bingo,
bobbing, miniature railroad, fireworks, door prizes.
Come and visit, you'll love our decorations.
National Higher Mammal Rights League pot luck
supper, Sunday, 6pm, Picnic Ground B, Hellmouth
Municipal Zoo and Exotic Animal Crematorium.
Eric Scotmeister Fleiglehaus will give a talk
about
his travels to bug-ridden parts of the world to the
Young Explorers Club at Beazleton Memorial
Elementary School, Room 301, Tue. 10am. There
will be an automotive seminar in the NW corner of
the gym, followed by a lunch of braised gobo roots
and other rainforest delicacies detoxified by the
wizards at the Fruit Toxins Institute. May have to
be cancelled if Mr. Fleiglehaus is still in prison.
Snow Monkey Winter Relief Fund Benefit, Sat.,
8pm, Sigsbee Junior Night College Auditorium. We
need hand warmers desperately. Call for info.
|
|
| |
|
|
| |
|
Oondóué
and Piet's
FRUIT OF THE MONTH CLUB
|
|
 |
Dr.
Oondóué M. Boué and Piet Mons Apeldoorn
invite you to join the Fruit
of the Month Club. Every month, they
will send the best in tropical fruits from
various exotic locations. Tarap, litchi, tamarind,
mangosteen, jackfruit, sweet durians,
rambutans, acerolas, langsat, pandanus,
wild plums, and jungle oranges.
$269.00 for 12 monthly shipments. Call
1-800-OONDOUE or write to Box 1013, Hellmouth. Do
it today, or tomorrow. |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
|
| |
| |
Produced
as a public service by all the friendly folks down at
the Ralph A. Bennett Teasdale Corporation, with funding
provided by Georgia Pacific Gabon, the Cheesequake, Runnamuck
and Hellmouth Electric Railway Company, the Bluetail Foundation,
the New Reformed Swiss Anthropoid Behavior Commission,
Wilt's Wet Water Bar, and the Great Apes and Lesser Primates
Dinner Organizing Committee. |
|
|
|
|
© M. Charters, 1990,
Sierra Madre, CA.
|
|
|
|
ADVERTS
Are you presently in a bachelor group? Roaming
around by yourself? Looking for a mate and not
having much luck? We know where you're coming
from, because we've been there. We're the Carbon
Dating Service, and we've been doing this for millions
of months. We've helped loads of lonely lemurs, plenty
of depressed douracoulis, and quite a few sad spider
monkeys. We can help you too. All species on hand.
Monthly dances. Call us for a date before another half-life passes.
JUST RELEASED: A new game you can play while
migrating or back in your own habitat. No matter where
you live, you'll enjoy this new entertainment sensation
sweeping the tropics. Called K-strategy, it's from
the
makers of the fabulously popular parlor game r-
strategy. Specially designed for primates. Available
right now at Hubbleheimer's 5 and Dime, and also at the
24-hour Shopalot in Cheesequake.
Thirsty? Who isn't? Well, you don't
have to take it
anymore. Now you can dip your lips into a tall cool
glass of water at Wilt's Wet Water Bar. We have water
from Bali-Bali
and Gabon, Madagascar and the sluggish
Carauari River. We even have low-sodium water from
Lake Badongo-Gazimbi. So don't wait a moment longer.
Brachiate, saltate, leap, knucklewalk or just plain
quadrupedally locomote down to Wilt's Wet Water Bar
on 3rd Ave.
between Vine and Pine. Our specialty is
high-tannin blackwater imported
from Borneo. Come in
and try it.
Having problems with some neighbor species? Woods
filled with pesky primates of some other stripe? Don't
worry about it. I'll come out and clear away the little
buggers and leave the forest to you. Of course, it'll
cost you. Rates according to monkeys per hectare.
Nick's Primate Disposal, Pine St. and 3rd Ave.,
Hellmouth.
|
|
