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SAVANNAH
BABOON KILLED
IN FREAK ZOO ACCIDENT
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ORANG WINS TWENTY-SEVENTH
ANNUAL FIG SWALLOW
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(Reuters) Burunamieh, Bali-Bali.
An orangutan has
won the Twenty-Seventh Annual Fig Swallowing
Competition held last weekend at the Burunamieh
YPCA. The result was no surprise to anyone, since
orangutans had won all twenty-six of the previous
contests, but for he first time there was some open
grumbling amongst many of the lesser primates
about the unfair size advantage of Pongo antiquus,
and the four judges were forced to long call until the
discontent died down.
The victorious
pongid, 38, whose name is Old
One-Fingered Fred, is a long-time resident of the
Kualakurun Primate Reserve, and has been training
for this event since narrowly losing the last three
year's contests to a large, reddish, ofttimes surly
and ubsiguous Sumatran male named Emperor. |
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Primate
Nooz is published whenever there are no lawsuits
hanging over us, by the Ralph A. Bennett Teasdale
Corporation, Dr. Peter Pan Troglodytes, President-in-Chief.
Copies are shipped to every major zoo and
animal testing facility in the U.S. and air-dropped
over much of Africa, Asia and South America (except
for Costa Rica). Back issues may or may not
be available, but can be requested by writing to:
Primate Nooz, c/o Thudwick, Thudwick, Marblehead
and Thudwick, Hellmouth, AZ. |
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(AP) Savannah, GA. Puddles,
one of the South's
most famous primates, was killed Tuesday morning in
a bizarre mishap at the new Peachblossom Park Zoo
and Travelling Botanical Garden. The sorry incident
occurred when a honeybee stung an elephant which
apparently went berserk and knocked over a utility
pole which fell on the fence surounding the African
Rainforest exhibit.
Panicked by the commotion,
the Zoo's large prize
collection of deermouse deer stampeded across the
road, startling the driver of a passing maintenance
truck who lost control of his vehicle and crashed into
a hot dog vendor's stand, where a kettle of boiling oil
overturned, causing several short circuits and then
igniting a fire which spread rapidly through some dry
brush to the Bluetail Breeding Barn. Several vigilant
zookeepers were able to evacuate the frantically-
spitting monkeys, but the entire barn roof collapsed,
sending a burning wooden beam down the hill and
over the edge of Baboon Cliffs, where it crushed
Puddles, who was sleeping peacefully in the sun in his
favorite spot.
Puddles was best known
for having sired most of
Savannah's large baboon population. He had twice
appeared on local talk shows, displaying his large
ischial callosities. “I've only seen this kind of thing
once before,” said Dr. Fred Flipple, Director of the
recently-renovated nature facility. “Puddles was
supposed to go on Savannah Today tomorrow.” |
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