ANNOUNCEMENTS
Primate Nooz would like to take this opportunity to disavow all knowledge of the person or persons who are continuing to use Chris Shaw's name without his permission. We thought we had solved the problem last issue by inviting him to take over the 'Recommended Reading' section in which previous spurious references to him had been made. But now his name seems to be cropping up everywhere in the Nooz like an unkillable weed, and frankly we are stumped. We can only say, “Sorry, Mr. Shaw, but remember, especially when thinking about legal matters, that a sense of humor is very important in the scientific field.”
RECOMMENDED READING:
Dr. Oondóué M. Boué and Reginald Pennyworth Maudlin-Jones (1987). “Burrowing Behavior of Wild Bluetail Monkeys at the Makokou Study Area, Gabon.” Proceedings of the Gabon Nature Society, 277(3):47-60. *****
Dr. Professor Miedzyrzecz von Czechowice-Dziedzice and Choszczno Koscierzyna (1988). Eleven Famous Polish Primates of the Twentieth Century. Warsaw Natural History Association Press, Warsaw. *****
Sir Newton Fig (1962). “Common Fruits of Southeast Asia and What To Do With Them.” Kalimantan Journal of Fruit, 32:50-61. *****
Christopher Shaw (1988). “Trying To Decide Whether To Sue Primate Nooz Can Be A Tricky Business.” Reader's Digest, 891:78-84. **
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BANANA FUTURES IN JEOPARDY!!! As the price of bananas surged
upward, a meeting of the Omnibus Primate Economic Council (OPEC)
was called to discuss the catarrhine market of last October and
just what it might mean to the primate community. Many Old
World types are in a frenzy about a potential price increase's effect
on the banana futures market. These events, along with the
recently-reported imitation leaf scandals and the fake fig fiasco,
have brought howls of protest and not a few long calls for intervention
from certain OPEC members such as the ministers from the macaques
and mangabeys. The representative of the colobines and langurs
stated that, “Our very survival depends solely on such vegetation
and we can't leaf this matter to chance.” Western Fig (FIG) +1 Ripe for takeover. |
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The
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© M. Charters, 1988,
Sierra Madre, CA.
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Dear Editor,
I have been trying for years to have
Primate Nooz delivered to Costa Rica. I noticed from the
box that runs on the front page of every issue that the Nooz is
air-dropped over much of Africa, Asia and South America, but there is
never any mention of Central America or the Caribbean. There are
a lot of primates in this area who would love to read the Nooz,
so how about it? Do we all have to move to Surinam or Sinatra or
somewhere?
Noisy
Dear 'Noisy',
You're probably a howler, right? Since
you obviously have no idea of the difficulties involved in our distribution
system, it's no wonder that you would write us such a churlish and uncivil
letter. While it is true that we ship the Nooz to 19 countries
in Africa, 10 in Asia and 8 in South America, Costa Rica is another matter.
We feel that the suggestion regarding your possible move to Surinam
or Sinatra is a good one. In the meantime, perhaps you could read
our two sister publications Primate Week and PRIMATE LIFE,
which are distributed to Costa Rica.
Dear Editor,
You're probably aware that we colobus
monkeys have sacchulated stomachs, like cows, and when we get gas, boy
do we get gas! What can we do to alleviate this nasty problem?
Fred
Dear 'Fred',
We here at Primate Nooz have
heard altogether too much about your fancy sacchulated stomachs, and frankly
we're not impressed. We suggest that you contact Dr. Doody.