Primate Nooz Issue 4

In one of the most startling and frankly unbelievable reports of recent memory, Primate Nooz roving correspondent Professor Mitsuo Ohhohoho last week surprised publisher Arnett Putney, III and executive editor Widen Lundale, Jr. when he claimed to have found a crashed extraterrestrial flying machine in the heart of the cloudy and fault-ridden Makanza Mountains of Gabon. The circular-shaped and porthole-ringed craft, he claimed, was lying partially submerged in a brackish pond, and what appeared to be a cargo hatch, he claimed, had apparently been open for some time because lianas and disagreeable-smelling Ibounzi vines were growing into it.
Professor Ohhohoho entered the strange vehicle, he claimed, and discovered what appeared to be the remains of a primate bestiary. Relying on his very extensive knowledge of anthropoid anatomy and his by now famous Professor Mitsuo Ohhohoho Primate Identification Book and African Jungle Survival Guide, which according to Mr. Chris Shaw of the Nooz staff, has been on the Reader's Digest bestseller list for 227 months, he was able to identify what was left, he claimed, of a number of individuals of the species Cercopithecus subterraneus, also known as the bluetail guenon, the entire population of which was reported missing from the Makokou Study Area in April.
In large ceramic containers, many of which remained unbroken, there were skeletons, he claimed, of muscatels, gray paladins, croesus monkeys, French fiddlers

UFO CRASHES IN GABON, CONTAINS PRIMATE ZOO!
In one of the most startling and frankly unbelievable reports of recent memory, Primate Nooz roving correspondent Professor Mitsuo Ohhohoho last week surprised publisher Arnett Putney, III and executive editor Widen Lundale, Jr. when he claimed to have found a crashed extraterrestrial flying machine in the heart of the cloudy and fault-ridden Makanza Mountains of Gabon. The circular-shaped and porthole-ringed craft, he claimed, was lying partially submerged in a brackish pond, and what appeared to be a cargo hatch, he claimed, had apparently been open for some time because lianas and disagreeable-smelling Ibounzi vines were growing into it. Professor Ohhohoho entered the strange vehicle, he claimed, and discovered what appeared to be the remains of a primate bestiary. Relying on his very extensive knowledge of anthropoid anatomy and his by now famous Professor Mitsuo Ohhohoho Primate Identification Book and African Jungle Survival Guide, which according to Mr. Chris Shaw of the Nooz staff, has been on the Reader's Digest bestseller list for 227 months, he was able to identify what was left, he claimed, of a number of individuals of the species Cercopithecus subterraneus, also known as the bluetail guenon, the entire population of which was reported missing from the Makokou Study Area in April. In large ceramic containers, many of which remained unbroken, there were skeletons, he claimed, of muscatels, gray paladins, croesus monkeys, French fiddlers
(Cont. on page 2)