ADVERTS

Are you too tired at night to build your own nest? You either need more iron in your diet or Nick's Nest Building Service, or both.  I'll come out and build you a custom designed nest as often as you desire.  I don't work higher than 30m.  Daily, monthly and yearly rates available with ten easily affordable and convenient nest sizes. Nick's Nest Building Service, 3rd and Pine St., Hellmouth.

Curious about where you came from?  Who your ancestors were?  Now you too can trace your family back to relatives who went extinct. Charts on hand for all major families, and a few minor ones too.  Write to Box 11, Cheesequake.

Is your area of the forest getting cluttered with a lot of old, useless nests taking up all the good spots? You either need a few days of high wind or Nick's Nest Removal Service, or both.  I'll come out and pull down as many of those old nests as you desire. I don't work higher than 30m.  Rates by the nest. Nick's Nest Removal Service, Pine St. and 3rd Ave., Hellmouth.

“Hello.  I SAID HELLO!  HELLOOO!  TURN YOUR HEARING AIDS UP!  There, that's better. You're probably not getting along too well in the forest anymore..... I SAID.... YOU'RE PROBABLY NOT.... WAKE UP!  You need professional care.  I SAID... YOU NEED PROFESSIONAL CARE!  Crikey!  Look, just come down RIGHT NOW to the Old Primates.... the OLD... PRIMATES... RETIREMENT HOME. It's FULLY PROVISIONED and there are NO DOMINANCE RANKS observed here.  CALL for an APPOINTMENT.  No bluetails please.  I SAID.... NO BLUETAILS!  Crikey!”

Need an article written?  Chris Shaw's your man. He's written articles on almost everything. He's one of Reader's Digest's most prolific article writers. He'll write a nice article for you and publish it in the Reader's Digest as quick as you can say Mitsuo Ohhohoho.  Drop by either the Nooz office or the Page Museum.  Not available on weekends.