ANNOUNCEMENTS
Primate Nooz regrets to be in the awkward position of having
to apologize for having creating a perhaps less than strictly factual
impression when we reported last year about the sinking of the mountainous
and heavily-forested island of Santa Rubia, belonging to the tiny
and almost unnoticeable Central American nation of Gorgonzola. What
we meant to say of course, and we are sorry for any harm done to
anyone as a result of this unfortunate slip and just delighted to
be able to correct this regrettable report without further ado,
is that it did not sink. Everything is fine there, and we
apologize for having said it wasn't.
RECOMMENDED READING:
José Ochohos Obregón (1989). The Sinking of Santa
Rubia Island. Portoviejo Press, Caracas. *****
Professor Rolf Sigurd Vanhammerfest (1940). Adrift On The Greenland
Icecap Looking For Snow Monkeys In The Dead of Winter. Trondheim,
Kristiansund, Haarfarger and Grieg, Oslo. *****
Dr. LeFrank Smythe Axelrod-Abernathy and Alexander Knuckleberry
(1990). Comparative Plummeting Rates in Ten Species of Old
and New World Lesser Primates." Journal of Abnormal Primatology,
29(2):31-44. *****
Bill Measely (1984). Inventions That Have Changed History Series
#32: The Hydrogen Laser Spotlight and Its Effect on the Development
of Third World Fire Departments. Bedlington Press, 7 Sheffield Court
SW, Wycombe Common, Alsworthy, Tunbridge Wells, Great Britain. *****
Piet Mons Apeldoorn (1982). Beer Preferences in Sulky
Tarsiers at Kualakurun Primate Reserve. Borneo Bulletin,
Supplement No. 22, 12-30. *****
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The Sub-Adult Social Society presents 'An Evening of Fun.'
Forage and frolic to your heart's content in an atmosphere
of virtually unrestrained enthusiasm. We do have a
few rules, but almost anything goes here at the Antlered Animals
Lodge Hall, next Friday 9pm-???? Dancing, eating, mimes,
live music, magic show, kickboxing, bingo, bobbing, miniature
railroad, fireworks, door prizes. Come and visit, you'll
love our decorations.
National Higher Mammal Rights League pot luck supper, Sunday,
6pm, Picnic Ground B, Hellmouth Municipal Zoo and Exotic Animal
Crematorium.
Eric Scotmeister Fleiglehaus will give a talk about his travels
to bug-ridden parts of the world to the Young Explorers Club
at Beazleton Memorial Elementary School, Room 301, Tue. 10am.
There will be an automotive seminar in the NW corner of the
gym, followed by a lunch of braised gobo roots and other rainforest
delicacies detoxified by the wizards at the Fruit Toxins Institute.
May have to be cancelled if Mr. Fleiglehaus is still in prison.
Snow Monkey Winter Relief Fund Benefit, Sat., 8pm, Sigsbee
Junior Night College Auditorium. We need hand warmers
desperately. Call for info.
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Oondóué
and Piet's
FRUIT OF THE MONTH CLUB
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Oondóué
M. Boué and Piet Mons Apeldoorn invite you
to join the Fruit of the Month Club. Every
month, they will send the best in tropical
fruits from various exotic locations. Tarap,
litchi, tamarind, mangosteen, jackfruit, rambutans,
acerolas, langsat, pandanus, wild plums,
sweet durians and jungle oranges. $269.00
for 12 monthly shipments. Box 1013, Hellmouth. |
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Produced as
a public service by all the friendly folks down at the
Ralph A. Bennett Teasdale Corporation, with funding provided
by Georgia Pacific Gabon, the Cheesequake, Runnamuck and
Hellmouth Electric Railway Company, the Bluetail Foundation,
the New Swiss Anthropoid Behavior Commission, Wilt's Water
Bar, and the Great Apes and Lesser Primates Dinner Organizing
Committee. |
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© M. Charters, 1990, Sierra Madre,
CA.
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ADVERTS
Are you presently in a bachelor group? Roaming around by
yourself? Looking for a mate and not having much luck? We
know where you're coming from, because we've been there. We're the
Carbon Dating Service, and we've been doing this for millions of
months. We've helped loads of lonely lemurs, plenty of depressed
douracoulis, and quite a few sad spider monkeys. We can help you
too. All species on hand. Call us for a date before another half-life
passes.
JUST RELEASED: A new game you can play while migrating or
back in your own habitat. No matter where you live, you'll
enjoy this new entertainment sensation sweeping the tropics. Called
K-strategy, it's from the makers of the fabulously popular
parlor game r-strategy. Specially designed for primates.
Available right now at Hubbleheimer's 5 and Dime, and also
at the 24-hour Shopalot in Cheesequake.
Thirsty? Who isn't? Well, you don't have to take it
anymore. Now you can dip your lips into a tall cool glass
of water at Wilt's Water Bar. We have water from Bali-Bali and Gabon,
Madagascar and the sluggish Carauari River. We even have low-sodium
water from Lake Badongo-Gazimbi. So don't wait any longer.
Brachiate, saltate, knucklewalk or just plain quadrupedally
locomote down to Wilt's Water Bar on 3rd Ave. between Vine and Pine.
Our specialty is high-tannin blackwater imported from Borneo. Come
in and try it.
Having problems with some neighbor species? Woods filled
with pesky primates of some other stripe? Don't worry
about it. I'll come out and clear away the little buggers
and leave the forest to you. Of course, it'll cost you. Rates
according to monkeys per hectare. Nick's Primate Disposal,
Pine St. and 3rd Ave., Hellmouth.
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