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WIN WING WIN'S MOST HUMBLY WORTHLESS “RECOMMENDED READING” LETTERS
 
  PRIMATE
                  HOROSCOPES

Sagittarius (Nov 22-Dec 21):  The Dark Continent    has special significance this month. Be sexually dimorphic.
Capricorn (Dec 22-Jan 19):  Avoid stress due to  habitat loss.  Possibly join a zoo.
Aquarius (Jan 20-Feb 18):  Mating opportunities will multiply when you abandon nocturnal lifestyle. Be more gregarious.
Pisces (Feb 19-Mar 20):  Beware of those evil  conspecifics plotting to take over your territory.
Aries (Mar 21-Apr 19):  Lunar aspect on the rise. Emphasize exudates.
Taurus (Apr 20-May 20):  Keep your eyes open,  someone in upper canopy is interested.
Gemini (May 21-Jun 20):  A prehensile tail figures prominently in your future.  Go for it!
Cancer (Jun 21-Jul 22):  Problems ahead. Avoid brachiating, polygyny and figs.
Leo (Jul 23-Aug21):  You have a tendency to rush things. Be patient. Now is not the time to leave    your natal group.
Virgo (Aug 22-Sep 22):  Focus on new foraging strategies.  Bark and other bits of wood may work for you, and don't ignore termites.
Libra (Sep 23-Oct 22):  Your species will go extinct before Christmas.  Sorry.  Check out the Malagasy Extinct Lemur Society for support.
Scorpio (Oct 23- Nov 21):  Watch out for someone more dominant than you. Don't worry, your turn will come.
 
The
Primate
Nooz©
 
 
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Produced as a public service by the friendly folks  down at the Ralph A. Teasdale Corporation, with  funding provided by Georgia Pacific Gabon, the  Matsushita Chopstick Co., Knucklewalkers  Anonymous, the Bluetail Foundation, the Primate  Civil Liberties Union, Hubbleheimer's 5 and Dime, the Runnamuck Public Library, the United Nations  Troubled Monkeys Commission, the Arizona  Natural Guard, the Bali-Bali Potato Bug Council,  the Blarney-Killarney Fossil Primate League of Ballybunion, the Hellmouth Star Ledger and Daily Chronicle, and the Cheesequake Chess and  Checker Club of Cheesequake.
© M. Charters, 1989, Sierra Madre, CA.

Dear Win,
        I'm trying to find out whether stinky galagos are precocial or altricial.  Can you recommend something for me?  By the way, sorry about your father.
R.P. Maudlin-Jones

Most Honorable Maudlin-Jones,
        Opinion of 1st son is valueless, but I so happy to be recommending Oondóué M. Boué, “Precociality of New-Born Stinky Galagos,”  Journal of the African Nocturnal Primate Society,  27:42-82.

MEMO TO:  Win Wing Win.
        Keep this to yourself.  I've been having a hard time going to sleep at night, and I think I need a little light reading to help me drop off.  Maybe something about mating strategies in marmosets and tamarins.  Got any ideas?
FROM THE DESK OF:
PUBLISHER
Arnett Putney, III

Most Highly Venerable Publisher,
        I so being grateful to you for present job.  I most unworthy, but I very recommending Polyester and Polyestrousness in Callitrichid Primate Social Systems by Dr. Francois Oppenheimer Muldoon of Harvard University Primate Behavior Group.  It most good good.

Dear Win,
        I was in Badongo-Gazimbi recently, and I'd like to learn more about their traffic problems, especially as they relate to primates.  Do you know of anything published in this area?
Eric Scotmeister Fleiglehaus

Respected Senior Colleague,
        Apologize most abjectly for not anything knowing about Badongo-Gazimbi.  Perhaps you look at “Driving Behavior of African Pongids” by Sir Sprockett Watley-Treedle,  Encyclopedia of Myrmecophagic Primates, London, 1912.

Dear Win,
        The last time I was at a Chinese restaurant with your father, he asked me to take care of you if anything were to happen to him.  Now that he has been accidentally frozen, you can come and live with my family at my soapstone-lined mountain hideaway high in the Hollywood Hills, but your five brothers will have to fend for themselves.
Christopher Shaw

Most admired friend,
        Thanks thanks but no thanks thanks.  I belong publisher Arnett Putney, III and executive editor Widen Lundale, Jr. now.
 
in times to come     

“Sacchulated Stomachs: Should Every Primate Have One?” by Nooz primatologist Dr. Homer Perry.

“101 Uses for the Toilet Claw” by Watanabe Kibombo.

“What Is the Hydrogen Laser Spotlight?” by Bill Measely, son of Sir Horton Measely.

“Aquatic Primates of Lake Badongo” by Dr. Professor Miedzyrzecz von Chechowice-Dziedzice.

“The Gagging Response in Adult Bluetail Guenons at Makokou, Gabon” by Russell Stife and Amanda Mae Mindihauser.

“Why Primates Never Developed Horns” by Dr. Fred Flipple.

“The Lowly Potato Bug” by Dr. Milliken Cheaseworthy.
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