It
is rumored that Mars, Inc., makers of the Snickers Bar,
has retained counsel to represent Dr. Dick Doody, Chief
Surgeon (Suspended), in the trial which was to have begun this
week, but which has now been delayed due to certain constitutional
questions. Mr. Eric Scotmeister Fleiglehaus has passed
the final exam in his correspondence course on auto mechanics
and will hopefully be able to keep his car running well enough
to continue his highly-regarded Report from the Field
series. He received a grade of C+ and the Nooz
congratulates him. He recently stopped off in Hellmouth
en route to the green and unruly forests of northern Bali-Bali,
where he will assist in search efforts for the missing Professor
Mitsuo Ohhohoho.
Primate Nooz
would like to welcome Mr. Ardrey Gooberman, who will
be taking over management of the glue department from Mr.
Noodle Milhouse, who retires at the end of the month. There
is no truth to the rumor that Mr. Donald Dimwiddie went
to Las |
|
Vegas last month with the
unnamed wife of prominent local businessman Mr. Joe Sinderland,
owner of Joe's Not So Bad Cafe. He was in Las Vegas,
but he was attending the 19th Annual National Convention of Steam
Room Superintendents.
Primate Nooz
has just learned about the injury to the brain of Mr. Chris Shaw
of the Page Museum, also West Coast correspondent of the Nooz.
Apparently it took place last January, but nobody bothered to
tell us about it. Sorry we can't let you know how it happened
because legal action is pending, but the story was quite a doozy.
An exciting find was made recently in the ruins of the Nooz
building, a box of old Primate Nooz's from 1931. That
was the year of the big Hellmouth fire in which all the back issues
from March through October were destroyed. We are especially
pleased because April's issue contained the prototype of our current
What is...? series, which asked the puzzling question,
What is the Potato Bug. Although faded, it is still
readable, and we may reprint it someday. |