ANNOUNCEMENTS

Once again, Primate Nooz is ashamed and chagrined to have
to admit that its organization has been penetrated by a cruel
prankster, and we must apologize especially to Mr. Chris
Shaw of the Page Museum in Los Angeles, who was
referred to in our last 'Recommended Reading' section as the
author of what we now know to have been a nonexistent
article in the Reader's Digest.  We hope that this apology
will have a bearing on his lawsuit against us and that our
invitation to visit the Museum will not be withdrawn.  In
order to ensure that this kind of thing never happens again,
the editor in charge of that department has been sacked.

RECOMMENDED READING:

Trevor Falsworthy  (1987).  Rafting Alone Across the Gobi.
Wittwaterstraand Press,  Capetown.  *****

Sir Ian Spotswood Allenby Crofford-Wiggles  (1989).
"Primatosaurus Rex: Truth or Fiction?"  British Royal
Museum Journal of the Cercopithecinae,  128(6):9-74.
*****

Piet Mons Apeldoorn  (1985).  “Should Tarsius and Pongo
Be Congeneric?” Borneo Bulletin,  62:51-60.  *****

Mawbanna Waddamana and Basil Smith (1977). “Taxonomic
Implications of Similarities in Social Structure and Behavior
of Tarsiers and Orangutans.”  Swiss Journal of Primatology,
1(1):1.  *****

Christopher Shaw (1988).  “Writing Spurious Articles for the
Reader's Digest Can Be A Tricky Business.” Reader's
Digest, 883:38-46.  **

WHAT IS......?  Cont. from page 3.

montane and mangrove forest.  Their ranges average about one hectare.  A fifth species of tarsier,  T. reclusia, hasn't been seen in months, and is best described as extinct.
          It has often been reported by workers in the field (see 'Recommended Reading') that the tarsier bears an uncanny resemblance in social structure to the orangutan.  This is an entirely preposterous notion and it should definitely be discounted.

GEE WHIZ, KIDS, DID YOU LEARN A LOT ABOUT TARSIERS?  ARE ALL OF YOU AS EXCITED AS ALL OF US?  BE SURE TO ASK YOUR FOLKS TO GET YOU EVERY ISSUE OF PRIMATE NOOZ.  NEXT TIME, “WHAT IS..... THE BLUETAIL?”

personåls

Due to unfortunate throat injury, am no longer able to long call, so must advertise in suitable news forums such as Primate Nooz and Primate Week.  Past prime but still in decent shape male orangutan with fading red facial hair and good-sized cheek pads named Roger seeks consortship or simple dalliance with a similarly older and less energetic female.  Inquire at Hellmouth Zoo.

Adult male sulky tarsier, approximately 120g. or 4.25oz in weight, muscade and/or sennet in color, with huge, practically immobile eyes and lovely membranous ears.  Would like to form ranging pair with you if likewise inclined.  D20.

Dear Editor,
      My problem is that I don't know what I am.  Some people
say that I'm a prosimian, but many others claim that I'm an
anthropoid.  This has caused me a deep identity crisis.
What should I do?
A. Tarsier

Dear 'A',
      We here in the cluttered and claustrophobic offices of
the Primate Nooz are not exactly sure just what you are, but
for your information, we refer you to the excellent article on
page 3, "What is the Tarsier?" by Mr. Win Wing Wan,
lately of the Beijing Zoo. Perhaps this will help.

Dear Editor,
      I fear for my life because of a group of chimpanzee
bullies that is constantly chasing me and trying to knock me
down. Do I have any legal recourse?
Bubbles

Dear 'Bubbles',
      We suggest that you try to work out your problems with
this other group, perhaps by rejoining them with reduced
rank. If the alpha male is involved, you will probably have to
do some serious groveling. Have you tried communicating
in American Sign Language?

Dear Editor,
      I'm a wooly monkey from Quiriquiri in Venezuela.  My
species is being intensively hunted for food, because the
word is apparently out that we taste good.  I don't know
why anyone would want to eat me, do you?
Woolly Willy

Dear 'Woolly',
      No, we don't.  Having tried Lagothrix meat a few years
back, we can only say that there's no accounting for some
people's tastes.  Try to stay out of sight.