Page Three
 
 
With Dr. Dick Doody, M.D., Chief Surgeon (Suspended) in the Primate Pathology Dept. at Hellmouth Human Diseases and Primate Testing Facility.
 

Dear Dr. Doody,
      I am one of the recently-discovered barren ground gorillas, Gorilla gorilla newjerseyii if you must know, from New Jersey.  I don't know whether you're aware of it or not, but cranberry bogs can be hell on knuckles, and mine are about shot.  I can't afford to be laid up for long because I am my group's main defense against the cranberry python, also recently discovered.  What can I do, and please don't say surgery.
Maximilian

Dear Maximilian,
      Surgery.  There, I've said it.  Now really, your only sensible option at this point is an arthroscopic procedure quickly followed by a simple knuckle replacement if we decide that it is necessary.  What are you afraid of, you big crybaby?  We'll just clip a bit here, and snip a bit there, and have you back in the bogs in no time at all. Call us for an early appointment before the problem gets any worse.

Dear Dr. Doody,
      Hi!  It's me again, Maximilian.  Remember me?  Upon careful reconsideration, I feel that my knuckles are not in as bad shape as I perhaps stated in my first letter, and those pesky pythons can be a real problem, so perhaps I ought to forget the whole thing.  I'm not feeling too good
(Cont. on page 4)  
 
Editor's Note: “WHAT IS...?” is a semi-regular feature of Primate Nooz which is aimed at some of our younger readers and in which we ask different people in the field of primatology major “What is” questions just to see them squirm.  This time we are lucky to have with us Senhor Teófilo Afonso Rosario Sobradinho, Nooz Advisory Board member, who has 13 children of his own back in the non-airconditioned part of Sao Paulo, and who has become somewhat of a gobo root expert. So listen up kids, this is important!
 
By
Senhor Teófilo Afonso Rosario Sobradinho
Urubupunga Research Station
 
        
For centuries mommies and daddies have wondered about the true nature of the gobo root.  What is it? Where did it come from? What can we do with it? And is there anything else like it?  The answers to these questions, unlike the answers to many more difficult questions, cannot be found at the back of the book. They can only be speculated upon.  But there are some things we do know for certain, and no one knows them any better than I do, because I have become somewhat of a gobo root expert.
         This strange and occasionally toxic little root was introduced into the food markets of the U.S. in 1972.  Its origins, although shrouded in mystery, almost certainly lie in the poison-filled basin of the ancient ant-strewn Amazon, where native Indian lore abounds with unbelievable legends of its dual nature, at the same time both deadly and curative. It is similar in appearance to one of those tiny fragments of
(Cont. on page 4)  
 
REPORT FROM THE FIELD
By Eric Scotmeister Fleiglehaus
Greetings from Makokou!  You probably don't even know where Makokou is, but that doesn't matter since I do, and I'm here.  So sit back in your favorite chair, kick off your shoes, grab a Guinness and enjoy, because this is my.....“Report from the Field.”
        
I arrived here on Wednesday at the Makokou Study Area deep in the heart of the cloudy and fault-ridden Makanza Mountains of Gabon and I've been hard at work writing my “Report from the Field” ever since. I had a heck of a time getting here because my car broke down in Libreville and I couldn't afford to get it fixed.  It took six porters to carry my suitcases and another six to carry me.  It was early evening when I was met by my colleague and former instructor at the Academie Republique Gabonaise, Dr. Oondóué M. Boué, who acted like he was glad to see me although I was never one of his better students. However, once I arrived, Dr. Boué was quick to invite me inside to join him in a bottle of lukewarm Ibounzi beer. The dinner hour was already over, so I had to content myself with a couple of hard-boiled forest chicken eggs and a few dried gobo roots, then it was off to a much-needed night's rest in a well-mended hammock.
        I got up late on Thursday to find that Dr. Boué had already gone out into the forest with his chief tracker Albert Mbigou searching for any bluetail guenons that might still be lingering in the area, so I stayed in camp and updated my “Report.” Despite the condominiums that have gone up not far from the Study Area, there is still ample wildlife hereabouts, such as the 'barberpole' python, great white-footed mountain gophers, and the deermouse deer, which can occasionally be heard if one is exceptionally lucky.  Dr. Boué did not return until late afternoon on Friday.  He was in a funk and went directly to his small cabin where he remained until Sunday, by which time I was getting ready to leave.  He sent word that he had a headache and could spare only six porters, so I was forced to walk the mile-and-a-quarter to the boat landing.  Even though I had not had an opportunity to observe any bluetails, I still had had the time of my life, and I was most reluctant to depart.
        That's about it for this issue.  I bet you know where Makokou is now, don't you?  Anyway, next time I'll change my tires and try to make it to Urubupunga in the poison-filled basin of the ancient ant-strewn Amazon to meet Senhor Teófilo Afonso Rosario Sobradinho.  So until then, I'll just say “So long.”
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