ANNOUNCEMENTS
The New Primate Nooz is proud and pleased as punch to
be able to announce that it is, in conjunction with the Japanese
National Poor and Aged Monkey Foundation, undertaking to establish
a new fund for underpriviledged primates. For years we have seen
primates wandering aimlessly around the streets of Hellmouth,
living day-to-day in doorways and basements, seeking handouts of week-old fruit
and leaves, and generally living lives that leave much to be desired.
Mayors and city councils in the past have tried to ban primates
within the city limits, but that didn't work. The Hellmouth Zoo
and Exotic Animal Crematorium has taken as many as it could, but
that merely put a dent in the problem. Now it will be possible
to ship homeless primates who qualify for this program to Japan
where a small percentage of them will be utilized in research
facilities, and the remainder will be relocated to a state-of-the-art
primate shelter on the island of Honshu. Anyone who would
like to contribute to this project is invited to contact the Nooz
business office during regular hours.
RECOMMENDED READING:
Hi!
I'm Potty!! I guess this is going to be my last "Recommended
Reading" since the clone of Win Wing Wan showed up. And since
it is, I'd like all our loyal subscribers to read at least five
of the followng choices I have carefully selected for your special
pleasure and the improvement of your minds. Which could
use it, I must say. Let me know how you like them. Ciao....
Uzman Shakhrisyabz (1994). "Do Abominable Primates Plummet
Like Other Primates?" Rafikistan Mountain Digest,
12:34-35.
Henry Marsworth Odum (1962). "Fossils of the Brown-backed Uakari from Plio-Pleistocene Strata of Venezuela."
In Unusual South American Primates, ed. Raul Alecerando,
Montaña Publishers, Caracas.
Snorri Skafta Thorshofn-Thorshofn (1996). The Life and Times
of Leif Englanberg and Olaf Petersen. Stykkisholmur Press,
Raufarhofn.
Takeshi Takeshitahara (1985). "Samurai Rice Carvings
of the Yorimoto Shogunate." Nipponese Journal of
the Rice Carving Arts, 434:97-102.
Heinrich Bobelschmidt (2002). "Neue Beobachtungen
auf dem Planeten Zarkon." Celestial Digest,
12:9-90.
Chris Shaw (2002). The Planet Zarkon and Its Role in
Primate Evolution. Potts, Packer and Polthammer, Los
Angeles.
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personåls
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Strikingly handsome great blue marmoset, 9-1/2", 13oz.,
eligible bachelor and prime breeding male, seeks a similarly inclined
female for long-term monogamous relationships. Must enjoy
daily foraging for exudates, gobo roots and wolf spiders. My
personal turn-offs: short incisors, rain, Croesus monkeys and
fathers who won't carry their infants. My turn-ons: primary
forest, white-cheeked muscatels, plummeting and territorial disputes.
I have a great sense of humor and an extremely wide range
of interesting and useful vocalizations. P15
Female really slow loris with striking dorsal stripe and dark
eye-rings looking for companionship with a male who might visit
my territory once or twice a year. My family came to Hellmouth
from Sumatra and we have been living at the Exotic Animal Crematorium
but I am getting a bad feeling about it. I don't like the
way they look at me. My intermembral index is 90, which
isn't too bad, and although my hands lack the ability to perform
delicate manipulations, I can still tear apart a bird's nest pretty
well. Did I mention that I was really slow? Call
me if you're interested in someone of the lorisine persuasion.
D40
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The
Primate
Nooz©
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Produced
ostensibly as a public service by those wily Orientals
and Occidentals down at the Kashihara Takeshitahara
Corp., with additional funding generously provided by
Itchihara's East Japanese Iced Cream, Books'n'Stuff,
the North Atlantic Loris League, Mt. Sydney Steak House
and Casino, the Monkey Marathon Club of New Zealand,
Czar Dmitri's Gulag Bar, the Abominable Primate Society,
the Hellmouth Zoo and Exotic Animal Crematorium, and
Joe's Not-So-Bad Cafe. |
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© M. Charters, 2003, Sierra Madre, CA.
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