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ANNOUNCEMENTS
Primate Nooz is proud and just plain tickled pink to be
able to announce the immediate and irrevocable dropping for all
time and forever of the several lawsuits which were brought against
us by Mr. Christopher Shaw of Los Angeles. The happy resolution
of this unhappy affair has permitted us to at least temporarily
resume the publication of the Nooz, which our many fans have
been yammering for over the past two and a half years, and which
despite its forced hiatus won last month's prestigious Hellmouth
Junior Chamber of Commerce's Citizenship Runner-Up Prize, and
received a favorable mention in the Monkeys of Mali Monthly's
spring 1993 issue. We are also pleased to announce that Mr.
Shaw has once again agreed to become Really Scientific Letters Editor
and also to oversee the 'Recommended Reading' section, replacing
Dr. Thrace Thrasher, who has left the Nooz to become the
personal physician and court primatologist to the King of Broonay.
Thanks, Chris, and welcome back!
RECOMMENDED READING:
Dr. Poon Sanddandtundra (1991). Large Primates of the
Nepalese Highlands. Indian Primate Society Publishing
Co., Chukkar 12, West Ingoosh, Bangalore. *****
Dr. Poon Sanddandtundra (1989). “Ethological relationships
between the various giant monkey species living north of Nepal.”
Sub-continent News, May 12. *****
Robert S. Mottley (1965). “A Statistical Variant Analysis
of Primates Living South of Nepal, With Particular Regard to the
Total Absence of Any Primates Whatsoever Living North, East or West
of Nepal, Either Large or of Any Size.” Bombay Monkey
Club Notes, 132(7):109-125. *****
Professor Mitsuo Ohhohoho (1992). “The Mountain Monkey
North of Nepal.” High Altitude Studies in the Himalayas
#86, U.S. Air Force Abstracts, Washington, D.C. *****
Christopher Shaw (1993). “Pulling the Plug on a Scam
Like the Giant Nepalese Monkey Sighting Can Be a Tricky Business.”
Reader's Digest, 932:18-25. *
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GIANT MONKEY SIGHTING Cont. from page 1.
and Dr. Massenya Moussoro of N'Djamena College of Primate
Linguistics, representing a grand total of some two hundred
months of primate research experience in the field.
The Nooz
has recently learned that Dr. Sanddandtundra has been under
the care of a therapist for the past several years and is
now showing signs of the great strain he has apparently been
under recently. At least one of his Nepalese assistants
has stated that Dr. Sanddandtundra accidentally forgot his
medications when he left his research center at Jabalpur and
may actually have been in his tent when the brief encounter
supposedly took place.
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ADVERTS
Are you looking for that unusual gift, that special something
for the one you love, perhaps that imported item from Gorgonzola
you saw advertised in the Hellmouth Star Ledger and Daily
Chronicle? Well, look no farther, because WE'VE
GOT the famous rubbery Santa Rubia Island PINK COCONUTS packed
12 to a box, we've got high-protein Santa Rubia Island BLUE
TERMITES crushed and ground in liter and half-liter bags (only
in February), we've got Santa Rubia Island CORAL CHESSBOARDS
and ASHTRAYS and LAWN FOUNTAINS, we've got Santa Rubia Island
WEED NECKLACES of too many types to mention. So come
on down today or send for our catalog of GORGONZOLA IMPORTED
PRODUCTS. Leaves 'n' Things (we changed our name from
Leaves 'R' Us), Muggley's Main Street Mall, Cheesequake (near
the sinkhole).
ATTENTION CHEESEQUAKERS! There will be a meeting in
the Grand Room of the Hellmouth Holiday Inn at 2pm on Saturday
to discuss what can be done about the latest round of staff
layoffs at the Man and Mammal Museum. Director Merlin
Musselwhyte will be there to answer charges that he misappropriated museum funds, and coffee will be served in the
lounge afterwards. Meeting sponsored by the Cheesequake
Man and Mammal Museum Staff Cuts Investigatory Group.
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Produced as
a public service by the nice folks down at the Ralph A.
Bennett Teasdale Corp., with additional funding provided
by Georgia Pacific Gabon, the Bluetail Foundation, The
Giant Mouse Lemur Survival Commission, the Russian national
primatology newspaper Primatsiya Primatsiya, the
Equatorial Plummeting League of Togobogo, the Hellmouth
Chemical Fruit Exchange Bank, Chester Champ's Chimp Safari,
Cranston's Crematory Supplies, and the Cheesequake Man
and Mammal Museum Staff Cuts Investigatory Group. |
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© M. Charters, 1993, Sierra Madre,
CA.
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Dear Dr. Nööz,
I happen to know for certain
that there are absolutely no primates living north of Nepal. In
fact there are no primates living east or west of Nepal either,
of any size, and Dr. Sanddandtundra should know this. I hear
he has been on Lithium and several other mood-altering drugs. Is
there any truth to this?
Robert
S. Mottley
South
of Nepal, Asia
Dear Bob,
I have no idea.
Dear Dr. Nööz,
Just what does this Sanddandtundra
guy mean by 'north of Nepal' anyway? That could include lots
of places. How far north does he mean? And what kind
of a name is Poon? I know a lot of Indians, but not one of
them is named Poon. Have you looked into his institutional
history?
Dr.
Oondóué M. Boué
Academie
Republíque Gabonaise
Dear Oondóué,
No.
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